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Why Are Lesbians So Lonely?

SPONSORED POST

Written by Zamara Perri

I can think of a few reasons why lesbians tend to be so lonely.

The main reason is, we are not gay boys. In some ways, they have waaaay more fun than lesbians. Why? They have more spaces that cater exclusively to them. I’ve got to keep it real. For us lesbians, the pickings are slim.

There is a severe lack of public events and gathering places for black women who love women.

I started noticing this a few years ago when I was trying to go out more often. Although I loved online dating, I wanted to meet women in real life.

Learn more about OutNSocial™, a new app that that helps you meet new people.

The Problems with Online Dating & Real World Hangout Spots

Doing the online dating thing was honestly a pain in the neck. I’d meet someone and spend hours talking by text or on the phone only to meet up in real life and have no meaningful connection.

So I figured I’d try to leave the house. When I started coming out of the closet, I was living in the Washington, D.C.-area and looking for some safe places to go. But couldn’t find many places where I could enjoy being in the company of other women.

I went to one of two main lesbian clubs in D.C. One had hella young white girls experimenting or older white hetero couples looking for a third. The other catered to black women, but didn’t last very long.

When I moved to Baltimore with my new boo, I had the same experience. I was looking to make friends, but there were no real gathering places for lesbians.

Facebook is Not Quite the Answer

african american woman with kente cloth headwrap sends a text

So I got on Facebook, joined a bunch of lesbian groups and made a bunch of lesbian friends. We would like each others’ pictures, have passionate conversations and keke all day at each others’ memes. But most of my friends live across the country from me or in another part of the world entirely.

Facebook didn’t solve the problem of loneliness. At the end of the day, I was still hanging out by myself. I hadn’t made any physical, in-person connections. I still want to hang out sometimes. I know other lesbians who still want to meet people, if not for dating then for genuine human interaction and fun.

We want to free to be out in our local communities, making real connections with real people.

This Couple Who Met on Facebook Couldn’t Find Friends on Facebook!

Tonie and Angella embrace each other

Having met online, Tonie Snell and Angella Guajardo, creators of the OutNSocial app, understand the frustration of trying to make new queer friends.

That is why I’m excited about the OutNSocial™ app that Tonie Snell recently created. Tonie created the app to take the guesswork out of going out and being out. Through the app, we can connect with others who share our interests.  With OutNSocial™, we can also find inclusive, welcoming, safe spaces in our cities in a matter of minutes.

The bonus? Not having to do exhausting searches on Meetup, Google or Facebook to figure out what’s going on in your city. This app  takes away all the guesswork by combining the best of social media with local events and spaces.

Tonie and Angella saw the need for the app after they met and fell in love on Facebook. Six years later after getting married, they relocated from Louisiana to Indiana.

They love dining out, car shows, their two rescue dogs and going to the zoo. But where were people that enjoyed the same things and where were the places that were welcoming to women like them? The couple was disappointed by the lack of options for meeting real-life friends and get into activities in their city.

“Realistically, I am afraid in a world of Trump,” Tonie says. “I fear when my wife and I go out. Is this place safe for us to hold hands? When I am alone, can I wear my pride gear with pride? We hear it on the news all the time, someone said disgusting things to an LGBTQ person, someone did horrific things to an LGBTQ person.”

They tried a local Facebook group, but “have you EVER been in one of these groups?” Tonie asked with a horrified look. “They reduce our relationships to nothing but attractive women and sex. Yes, there is a time and place for that but not in a group of strangers. Still, we try. I’ve posted, ‘we are a couple, new to the area, what we like to do and since we are an interracial couple, that we are looking for a multicultural barber’ … Nothing.”

 

The OutNSocial™ App Takes The Guesswork Out of Meeting People

black women with drinks in hand out and about having fun

 

I was so excited about finding an easy and fun way to meet friends just by using the OutNSocial™ app, that I immediately signed up to be one of their testers. I’m a bit of a homebody, and since I went and booed up, I’m even more of a homebody.

But 2017 is going to be my year of leaving the house. I  plan to use the app to meet people in my Baltimore LGBTQ community and when I’m traveling.

The app officially launches in June. Want early access to the OutNSocial™ app? Sign up here to be one of the first to take it for a test run. Soon you’ll be meeting real people in real life in your backyard who share your interests. Who knows maybe you’ll find Mrs. Right when you’re not even looking or your new BFF.


This post was sponsored by OutNSocial™. The opinions and text are all mine.

Article written by:

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She is a proud u-hauler who loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking for her awesome partner and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

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