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Girl Bye (Breaking Up)

My Girlfriend Left Me For Her Wife

Written by Barbara McWilliams

My girlfriend was still married when we got together.  She was separated from her wife and filing for divorce. I had no reason to suspect anything shady, especially after things got so serious between us that we even bought a house together!

Nevertheless, we had a whirlwind romance that I in all my 55 years on this planet had never experienced. This woman was too damn good to me.

As a matter of fact, because I had some unhealed trust issues, I was the one always trying to bail. But she assured me that she loved me and would never hurt or betray me in any way. I had no doubt that this handsome stud was a woman of her word.

I never Worried About our Relationship

I started noticing things changing between us after we settled into what I thought was our dream home. She started saying things like, “It’s not you, it’s me.” She had a very demanding job at a hospital, which took her away from our home for 13 to 14 hours a day.

But I never worried about our relationship. There was nothing we wouldn’t do for each other. Everyone could tell just by looking at us that we were happily in love. So I thought.

Then the Fourth of July holidays came and I asked what was going on with the divorce. By this time we were engaged. However, when I brought up the divorce, she became agitated and defensive.


She Stopped Coming Home

By that weekend, she decided to separate from me. But she gave the excuse that it was because she felt like her life was out of control. I felt completely blindsided. I thought we were happy and looking forward to our future together. Well, throughout that following week I was an emotional wreck and confused about what the hell happened in the span of a week. I still don’t know what happened.

Well, she stopped coming home after work and would stay out until 2 or 3 a.m., and a couple nights she just didn’t come home. I work nights, but I would text and call her and she wouldn’t answer. My gut felt something wasn’t right, so I would go home on my lunch breaks and she wouldn’t be home.

She Said She Doesn’t Care for Her Wife

I eventually got her to confess and she dropped the bomb on me that she is reconciling her marriage. Needless to say, I’m devastated. My biggest fear was happening. She then had the audacity to ask me to wait and let her decide what she’s going to do.

She said she was in love with me and she doesn’t care for the wife. But she feels a moral obligation to work things out with her! I couldn’t believe it! I said to her, “Really? You couldn’t make this decision before you got involved with me and bought a house with me?”

She apologized a million times but still wanted me to wait. Ah, hell no! That’s too damn much!

I can’t believe I took her to meet my family and get their blessing. They loved her instantly. To this day she is steadily trying to convince me of how sorry she is while she is staying at the wife’s house every day.

Right now we are roommates until we can sell the damn house.


I Tried to Run Away From It

The sad part is she was the best thing that had ever happened to me. She says the feelings are mutual but I can’t tell. It doesn’t make sense because she would stay, right? She says how great of a person I am.

How can I be so great, but women still find a way to hurt and leave me? This hurts worse than any other love I’ve had because I tried to run away from it and she wouldn’t let me. I feel like all the pain she tried to heal me from, she just inflicted on me double time!


The most painful lesson I got from this experience is that if people are married and separated, they should learn to close one door before they open another! I am swearing off relationships entirely for a very long time.

Article written by:

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She is a proud u-hauler who loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking for her awesome partner and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

Join the discussion

  1. Rachel Sokol

    I’m currently in a serious relationship, and although things are good, I often fear my partner will leave to run off with an ex…and the thought is keeping me from wanting to go any further in my relationship (like marriage and sharing finances, buying homes, kids/pets, etc.) Even though they were never married, I know my partner still keep in touch with her exes and it does itch at the back of my mind now and again.
    I’m sorry you’re going through this type of hurt sis. Damn these beautiful, charming ass studs out here breaking nice ladies hearts.

  2. Tj

    I think the most important thing you said in this was in the end when you said that before a person starts a relationship from being married or separated they really have to be totally through with that relationship you have to divorce close the doors no interaction nothing … it’s not fair to the new person for you to still be hanging on to that last relationship if you’re not done then do not start something new it’s as simple as that.. I think a lot of it has to do with selfishness people don’t want to be by themselves and they don’t want to be alone so they feel that they need someone in their life and that’s not fair

  3. Ms. Russell

    i can relate. my ex was in a relationship with her fiance when we started but i didn’t know until after i fell for her. i should have left then but stayed. i can relate to your story of how they tell you you are the one they love but then they stay in that unhappy situation. what broke me down was her getting married while we were still together. they lived together the entire time so i should have known but it was hard. but that moment was one i never want to go through again. so glad i got out of that mess. we worked together so that made it hard too. but when i was done i was done. i realized after i got with my know girlfriend that me and the ex were not that compatible and we would have never worked out in the end. so i take that as a learning moment and know what i wanted and deserve.

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