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What’s the Toughest Part of Dating as a Plus Sized Lesbian?

Do plus size black lesbians have a harder time dating and mating? We at Black Lesbian Love Lab have heard from women who have said that they have been friend zoned or considered less sexy because of their size. We thought we’d check in with some of the beautiful plus size women who follow our Facebook page to hear their stories.

This is what they had to say:

Monika: As a plus-sized woman who’s been this way forever it’s hard to date. Mainly because people have these preconceived thoughts about you (you’re unhealthy, eat all the time, lazy, sloppy, bad self-esteem, unhappy, bad hygiene, etc). None of these things are true about me and so many other plus-sized women I know.

I am confident, accomplished, hard-working, healthy (physically and mentally).

I’ve pretty much been this way since I’ve been about 21 years old. One of the things that made dating/finding a partner easier was to be confident and ok with me 100% and know that finding someone possibly could not happen and being ok with that. Once I became 100% ok with myself women were drawn to me like magnets.

I wasn’t seeking them out but my confidence and happiness drew them to me (that’s what my wife says at least).

Not Saying Size Makes You Healthy, But …

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Antoinette: I would like to think I don’t have a problem, however, I’ve never encountered a plus size woman that is truly and honestly happy with their size. I’ve seen a lot pretend to be proud, however, behind closed doors, are frustrated with themselves.

Also, I’m concerned about health – not saying that size makes you healthy, but healthy habits in general, such as diet (not dieting) and activity.

I like to eat well and generally be active, and I’d be concerned with someone who wasn’t willing to be active with me.

Personally, I’ve lost close to 100 lbs in the past 3 years, so I’m not speaking from a place of having not “been there”. I absolutely see the advantages of my new size. I’m not saying I was “unhappy” before, but I have a much better quality of life now.

Superficial Disadvantages

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Cherie: I’m plus sized but I’ve never dated women who were bigger than me until recently. I had a bad experience once and swore off anyone bigger than me.

Then my boo came along and she has made me appreciate those plus sized women who value their appearance, hygiene, and self-worth.

There are some disadvantages … mostly the superficial things like space together when you’re out…figuring out sex..because of both of your weights what you can and can’t consider doing together.

Learning to be Sexy, Stylish and Beautiful

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Carly: I am plusd size woman and I really never had a problem dating. I always stayed booked. I am always someone’s first, plus size girl.

Stephanie: I’ve dealt with discrimination from smaller women treating you like the less-than-sexy, fat friend they need to make themselves feel good. I love to shock them. They expect me to have a low self-esteem and to sit in a corner and not be noticed.

I am loud and proud. LOL! I love to dance and I am the first to hit the floor. I have learned to be sexy, stylish, beautiful in my body. I naturally draw people to me with my personality and outrageous choice of non-polite conversation. I have learned not to be around those type of people that hold such little regard for me.

READ: A Message for The Studs Who Don’t Date Fat Femmes


What do you think plus sized beauties? Join the conversation on Facebook or comment below.

Article written by:

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She is a proud u-hauler who loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking for her awesome partner and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

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