Black Lesbian Love Lab (BL3) is a magazine-inspired relationship blog committed to sharing relationship stories and resources about and for black queer women (lesbian, bisexual, poly, transgendered, etc.) and the women who love them.
What Inspired This Blog
I started this blog in April 2014 after I ended yet another relationship. I was looking around on the web to see stories of stories like mine–that featured mid-30s black, lesbian women who needed really quality advice on how to get over a devastating break up. There was not a lot. So I started healing myself through writing on this blog and talking to other black lesbian women.
At the time I was also deeply closeted and was inspired by black lesbians who live their lives and share their love freely all over social media. Seeing their love stories filled my heart with so much joy and even in my grief made me hopeful about meeting my future love.
But I’m kind of greedy and to me, there are not enough tools, stories and resources for black queer women and their families and this has bothered me for many years. As a professionally trained, print journalist, I know first-hand the power that mainstream media has in all of our lives.
Media overwhelming determines what is real, normal and acceptable. If something is not in the media, it doesn’t exist. And while there is an increasing number of black lesbians and queer people in the media, I find that black queer love, commitment and families are still for the most part invisible.
I could not let the love stories of women in committed, long-term relationships remain untold because that would be a disservice to our community and the rest of the world.
We Support Healthy Relationships
I also started this blog because I believe there are many of us who want healthy, loving relationships and families, but we just don’t know how to go about gaining one.
In my particular case, I have seen very few healthy, happy relationships among family members. I grew up a child of divorce and suffered emotional abuse, neglect and abandonment. As a 30-something, black queer woman, I struggled in my two major relationships.
In both cases, I was emotionally unavailable at first but slowly and surely opened myself up and became vulnerable. In both cases, we discussed marriage and family. But both cases involved anger, distrust, disrespect and violence.
But it wasn’t just the other person who caused me pain. I’ve been shady, flirty, dismissive, sneaky, a martyr, unsupportive and excessively needy. Needless to say, this made relationships difficult for me. None of my exes are evil. I believe in both cases we had deep love, but because neither of us had models for healthy families, the relationships we tried to create were disastrous.
So, I’ve been learning from and showcasing real, lasting queer/lesbian families of color here. I believe the models, the real VIPs, are the black lesbians who have failed at love and keep getting back up again.
We are an integral part of the fabric of the American story, and without our threads, the story is incomplete.
Join me in telling our stories!
We are accepting writers, families, couples, professional counselors/therapists, photographers and educators from all over the country and beyond North America. We are also seeking other community members who are willing to ask questions, participate in respectful debate on the site and honestly seek and share help for those needing it. Welcome one and all!