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13 Tips for Treating Your Butch Like a Queen

Written by Zamara Perri

Whether you consider your black lesbian butch/stud/masculine partner your king or queen, she’s 100 percent woman.

The truth is that no matter how the women we choose to partner with dress or carries herself, she is a woman whose femininity and tenderness should be acknowledged, supported and celebrated.  Here are 13 tips for helping you to acknowledge and nurture the divine feminine in the butch woman in your life :

1.Tell her she is beautiful and sexy.

This may seem superficial but I believe it is necessary. Even the hardest diesel dyke deserves to be acknowledged for her beauty both inside and out.

2. Bring her flowers. 

Or have them delivered to her office and sign it “from your not-so secret admirer” and include your initials.

3. Write her a card or a love letter.

My honey writes me love letters and cards and I love doing the same things for her. It’s the little things, ladies.

4. Provide a safe place for her to be herself. 

When she’s with you, she doesn’t have to have to be tough or pretend to have it all together.

5. Allow her permission to be weak. 

Sometimes we expect our masculine partner to be emotionally tough because we equate it to sexiness or power. But every woman wants to know that her partner has her back. It takes true confidence, security and trust in you as her partner for her to be vulnerable. So take your turn holding her down and being her strength.

6. Treat her to something special, whatever that may look for for you both.

It doesn’t have to be expensive or involve money. Cook her a special meal. Take her out for a night on the town. Buy her favorite fragrance or her favorite hair products. She deserves to treated to nice things too!

7. Prepare her plate and bring it to her in bed or at the dining table.

This is especially nice if she tends to do all the cooking.

8. Rub her feet and give her a ultra-luxurious pedicure.

That means soaking her feet in a hot luxurious tub of water with essential oils then getting to work!

9. Buy her something pretty that acknowledges her womanhood.

If she wears make up that’s one way to go! You can also get her a session with a massage therapist or go with her to get her eyebrows done or a mani pedi.

10. Buy her sexy lingerie.

If she’s the sport-bra wearing type, buy her the nicest ones you can find. If she wears boxers, find her some good quality silk ones. If she wears thongs, buy her some in her favorite colors.

11. Do her hair.

While you are shampooing and conditioning her hair, give her a head massage. Give her a shape up. Maintain her locs. Or retwist her plaits. Or give her a blow out. Whatever her style is, giving her a personal at-home salon time is a great way to treat her.

12. Listen to her—to what she says and what she doesn’t say.

Sometimes in conversation, we wait for our turn to say what’s on OUR minds, but it’s a gift to be listened to. Listen to her fears, worries, concerns dreams. Show her that you’re listening by asking her questions or repeating what she said  and asking, “Did I hear that correctly?” Show her that what she says matters by keeping the dreams and intimate conversations you have between you two.

13. Be affectionate.

Give your butch lots of hugs, kisses, hand holding and touches to let her know that you enjoy being next to her.


Model: @supreme_reign; Photo by @dshatha

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Article written by:

Zamara Perri

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She loves black love and loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

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  1. Pingback: 13 Tips for Treating Your Butch Like a Queen | Straight with no chaser

  2. APRIL "DIAMOND FOXX " FENNER

    Nice to be recognized…thank you!

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