Celebrating black lesbian love and relationships!

Are Lesbians As “Dickmatized” As Straight Women?

Written by Iesha/Get Your Life Girl

You may or may not know the meaning of “Dickmatized”, so let me break it down. In 2011 singer Jill Scott coined the term in an interview with Sister 2 Sister magazine. During the interview Jill Scott revealed that she used to be “Dickmatized”. She explained the term as, “When you get caught up in the whole sexuality of your relationship but it’s not going anywhere. Just somebody giving you the good but not necessarily giving you the rest – or not expecting the rest from them.”

Let me set the scene for you. It’s Saturday afternoon and I am sitting in adorable Brooklyn cafe. My table is right near the wall which leads to an open deck. The weather is gorgeous, patrons are hip and attractive, the ambience is relaxed and the music at a perfect volume; smooth and melodic. Just think Love Jones, but restaurant style. This kind of character and aura does not happen often.  Usually a restaurant in Brooklyn is loud, the patrons are rude and entitled and the staff is annoyed. That’s the classic New York vibe you will get. Needless to say I was happy I decided to come out.  As I sipped on my strong sangria, a group of friends sat at the table directly across from me. The three gorgeous friends look extremely comfortable with each other, and immediately start their girl talk. I didn’t pay their conversation much attention. It was the usual, ‘how is work’, ‘how’s your kids’, and ‘what you been up to’, conversations; the customary touching base questions all friends ask.

Once the friends started drinking their demure demeanor took a turn to the left. The lowered voices they started with were now squeals of womanly laughter that made me chuckle. I love my friends and I know sometimes we get a little too loud so I couldn’t help but smile. The conversation turns to sex and of course my censors went off and I went to flinching my ears like they were antennas. I was going to catch all this random sex tea from these strangers. I couldn’t help but eavesdrop. They were loud, like they wanted me to hear it. So I obliged and listened!

One woman with a head full of a exquisite natural red kinky curls said, “He had the nerve to ask me to borrow $200, like he’s going to pay it back. You know I already gave him money a couple weeks ago. But I said fuck it, let me give it to him. That dick is so good.”

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Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She is a proud u-hauler who loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking for her awesome partner and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

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