Written by Kai Brown/ photo by B. Steady
The days are getting shorter and the temperature has fallen. It’s time for hoodies, apple cider, pumpkin spice and cuffing season! Now people are starting to look for a significant other to cuddle, Netflix and chill for the remaining cold months. Nothing wrong with that right?
Of course not! But how you cuff will determine how long you stay cuffed.
Take it from me I’m an expert. As someone who has navigated many relationships: long distance, situationships, open relationships, having a side piece and being a side piece. The one thing that ties all of my relationships together is that they started and ended with creepin’, sneakin’, lyin’ and cheatin’. Yep you read right, let me explain.
She Was the Love of My Life
My long term relationship with the person I thought was gonna be my forever partner ended a year ago. She was the absolute love of my life. Out of all the women I had dated before, she was the best and I loved her the most.
We started off hot, heavy and in serious lust. We had a lot in common and were really digging each other so much so we had a great friendship as well. When I tell you the sex was lit as hell I mean it in every sense.
It started online on the ol’ school website Downelink. She saw me and wanted me, plain and simple. There was one problem though. She was engaged and I was involved.
We Started Sneaking Around
Both of our relationships were all but dead so those were the circumstances that drove us into each other’s arms. Every week we would sneak around to see each other. She would come to my house when my then-partner was at work or we would just rent a hotel room on the weekend.
Eventually we both dumped our partners and moved in together. We were in heavy love and lust. Our honeymoon phase lasted a good three years before the major problems developed. I got caught cheating in the very beginning. Eventually she started cheating as well and it went downhill from there.
The Trust Was Gone
Through it all we stayed together for another few years, then finally after eight years, we had to call it quits. The trust was gone and the once-strong friendship we had, deteriorated to snide remarks, arguments and plenty of side-eyes. Despite us sincerely still loving each other, the relationship was dead.
I still ache for her, I really do.
I miss her so much. I still believe she is my soul mate but we just can’t be together anymore. There is too much hurt and pain to recover from. I’ve had much time to reflect on why we can’t/couldn’t make it work, despite the love still being strong.
Why We Couldn’t Make it Work?
I racked my brain trying to come up with an answer. I had to ask myself, “Is it me?” I went through all of my relationships and tried to see why they didn’t work out.
I was astonished to discover that every last one of them started off the wrong way. I was either cheating on my partner with someone who I then started dating, or if I was single, I would be creeping with someone who was already involved with someone.
Let me repeat, ALL of my relationships started that way and that’s exactly how they all ended.
Now depending on the circumstances, cheating isn’t really a dealbreaker for me. But chronic cheating will definitely lead to trust issues and that’s what ultimately broke up my relationships. Maybe you don’t believe in karma, but at the end of the day the world rights all wrongs.
I never in a million years thought my relationship with my forever partner would end, but now that I think about the cruddy shit we did to be together, it was all but guaranteed to. It lasted longer than it probably should have, but it was doomed.
The most important lesson I’ve learned about love is that if a relationship started through dishonesty and cheating, it will NEVER last. It doesn’t matter how much you love each other and want it to work, if your foundation was built on bullshit then the structure of your relationship is bound to crumble.
If you were creepin and cheatin with your current partner, you can bet that’s how your partnership will end. End your current relationship the right way, before you jump into another. You owe it to your partner for closure and to yourself for a fresh, clean start. Honesty really is the best policy.
Kai Brown aka the Stud Slayer is a stud for stud advocate and sex worker.