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title image featuring AJ and Jeanae with the text "losing a child is never easy"
About Our Family

WATCH: AJ & Jeanae Love Each Other Through Devastating Loss

selfie with AJ looking over Jeanae's shoulder

Photo courtesy of Jeanae and AJ

When AJ met Jeanae at work back in 2010, she immediately knew. “When she walked through the door at the job the first day I met her, everything turned black and white,” AJ recalled.

For Jeanae, it became clear that AJ was special a little later. AJ asked her out, but they can’t remember what counts as their first date. “We can’t honestly decide between the time we went to the Philadelphia Museum of Art or a time we went to the movies,” Jeanae said.

Either way, Jeanae knew that AJ was special after she took into consideration that AJ had all the qualities she was looking for in a partner.

She Had Flowers in Her Car

Jeanae and AJ take a selfie. Jeanae wears headwrap and african jewelry

Photo courtesy of Jeanae and AJ

What sealed the deal for Jeanae though was, “one night after work, AJ had flowers in her car for me. It was super thoughtful and sweet.”

“I love how caring and attentive she is,” Jeanae adds. “She definitely does her best to take care of me, and I am always so grateful for the ways she does that. It’s not something I’ve been able to experience to this degree, in my life. And she’s super cute! ”

AJ says, she loves Jeanae’s “sensitivity, friendship and loyalty, intelligence, drive and desire to do more, be more. I love how she’s stable and encourages me to be a better version of myself. I love her style and pride in physical presentation.”

Family Values

The two have been together since 2010 and got married on February 17, 2012. The pair knew they wanted to have a family. (Watch our video interview with the couple above to learn more.)

“We want to be an example of a different kind of family and just help cultivate little lives,” AJ said.

For four years they tried to conceive.

“The most challenging part is really generally just all the hoops same-sex couples have to go through to parent. It’s really ridiculous and expensive and frustrating,” Jeanae said. “We conceived our girls through in vitro fertilization after a while of trying with less intense practices.”

We’re Still Healing

After all the time and expense, AJ and Jeanae lost twin girls in June of 2017. While they had made it through some challenging times before, the heartbreak of losing Aviva and Jora was different.

“It was the most devastating thing that ever happened to either of us,” Jeanae says. “We’re still healing from that and will likely be for a while. We just continue to support each other, talk to each other, nurture each other and hold hands through the hardest times.

Creating Family

They haven’t given up on their dream of becoming parents and plan to try conceiving again. They are also adopting their next child at the end of March.

However, the long, expensive and emotional journey has reduced their finances. Adoption is just as, or even more, expensive than trying to conceive.

Their friends are trying to help make Jeanae and AJ’s dreams come through with a Gofundme fundraiser. If you can, please support this family.

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Article written by:

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She is a proud u-hauler who loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking for her awesome partner and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

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