Celebrating black lesbian love and relationships!
Samira Wiley

6 Reasons Some Femmes Are Afraid of Studs in Dresses

Written by Zamara Perri


Queen Latifah

Who can forget when the Queen “Set it Off”? But we sure love to see her dress it up.

It’s all Queen Latifah’s fault!


I posted a side by side photo of her looking like a straight up hardcore stud in her “Set it Off” movie and right next to that, a pic of her looking like a straight up foxy, sultry femme.


Most of the comments that came pouring on to that Facebook post were of women loving on her. They loved the Queen in Timbs and T-shirts and in dresses and heels!


Get you a lesbian who can do both, is a pretty popular saying in our community. It often means it’s a positive thing to have a woman who can rock masculine and feminine clothes.


But for some people the switching up, no labeling, stem look, was not for them. Here are 6 reasons some black lesbians (mostly femmes) told me they could NEVER date a versatile woman:


1. Competition

Black lesbian in masculine and feminine attire

Shaquanna Brinson’s wife, Areaka, submitted this pic of her love mixing it up!

Some femmes just want to be the pretty one and feel threatened by another girly woman.  One woman said, “I’m femme enough, plus no sharing clothes!”


2. Limited Definition of Attraction

Janelle Monae

Janelle Monae refuses to be boxed in. She plays femme and dapper very well.

Some women said it was pointless to date a woman who dressed and smelled like a man! And asked, “Why not just go get a male?”

Another said, “And I only want someone that’s as soft, sweet smelling, and sexy as myself.”

One stud said she likes femmes because, “My baby gotta have an arch in her back at all times, 100 percent girly-girl!”


3. Insecurity

Keke Palmer

Keke Palmer is reportedly filming for a movie (on the left) where she plays a stud, but as you can see (on the right)  she knows how to rock the high-femme look.

One woman said after she dated a woman who could dress both ways, “My attitude changed. I became more protective as well as the provider. Shit, that’s what I like from a stud. Scared me shitless. Made me rethink the whole reason for being a lesbian.”


4. It’s confusing

black lesbian femme and stud outfits

Lonnie Smith runs her own popular Facebook page and is proud to be able rock it both ways.

Some women say, mentally they can’t handle the back and forth. They could only date women who always dressed like studs.

Plus one woman said, she couldn’t date a woman who switched up because she would question the sexuality of a stud who can also look like a femme.

5. It’s just not a good look

Samira Wiley

Samira Wiley, star of Orange is the New Black, has mastered the tomboy and femme looks.

One woman said, “I love my girl as a stud. It’s  hella sexy to me … Shoot bae would look so clumsy in heels.”


And then there are the studs who don’t think they look good as a femmes.

One woman said, “To me, there’s nothing attractive about my likeness.”

Another stud said, “I can pull both looks off, but it doesn’t look right when I look like a girl. I’m not a femme.”


6. Hetero Modeling

It all boils down to heterosexual modeling for many of us. Most femmes who are uncomfortable with a stud who switches up her look, are just more comfortable with heteronormativity. She’s been taught that she cannot be a woman  without a masculine opposite. Without this ying to her yang, she feels off balance and unsure of her place on the femme-butch spectrum.


And for the studs who exclusively date femmes, they tend to attract women who know and enjoy playing their part in those gender roles.

Facebook Comments

Article written by:

Zamara Perri

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She loves black love and loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

Join the discussion

  1. Avatar

    Dear Zamara,

    I really like your perspective and writing.
    I am not in your niche, but I can still let you know I love your writing and will refer friends to it.♥


    P.S. I found you because of a FB repost by “Boys On the Inside”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: