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A Letter to A Straight Black Brother: How to Love A Black Lesbian

JohnLewisRacesDon'tFallInLoveWritten by Zamara Perri

After an exhausting Saturday night, I awoke planning a light, easy, breezy Sunday morning. I checked my email because I’m a tech addict, and saw that there were several comments to Elixher’s website. I receive email notification whenever there is something new posted to the website of this magazine for black lesbians. This morning there was a flurry of emails indicating that there were several comments made to articles posted a while back, one of those included a photo album of black lesbian couples, titled “25 Beautiful Photos Of Black Queer Women That’ll Make You Believe In Love Again.” The photos warmed my heart and elicited positive, affirming comments from many others. However, several comments were from you my brother, a straight black man who claims that seeing photos of happy, whole, content black women loving black women just broke your itty bitty heart.

So, let’s talk. I won’t pretend to speak for all women, all black women or all black, lesbian women. Why? Because I find that insulting and I loathe when people lump me into some sort of monolithic groupthinking where my individuality is not acknowledged or respected. I don’t generally get into it with Internet trolls who have the balls to spew their hate from underneath the safety of their anonymous cloaks, but probably would never say these things to my face. However, I do feel a very strong need to tell you how your very hateful and damaging comments impacted me and my peaceful Sunday morning.

I don’t even know where to begin with you and I have a feeling it doesn’t even matter. You say “lesbianism in the black community makes it very difficult for us straight black men to continue to choose black women for marriage.” Let me say this, the last time I checked not every black woman in America or on the planet was a lesbian making it so damn difficult for you to marry us. Guess what, Nia Long is not a lesbian and is one of my celebrity crushes. Does her being straight make it very difficult for me as a black lesbian who loves black women to continue to choose black women for marriage? The fallacy of your argument just makes it pointless for me to even continue, however, I will. Arguments like these just reveal to me everything that’s wrong with patriarchy and black patriarchy at that. Your argument is not about loving black women at all, but one based around you and you alone and the mistaken idea that black women’s bodies are to be owned and controlled by you. And guess what, ownership of my black body, does not belong to any gender, race or community and definitely not to you. My body, my choices and whom I love is about me and is definitely exclusive of you.

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Article written by:

Zamara Perri

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She loves black love and loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

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  1. Love Lab Editor
    Love Lab Editor

    I updated the article to include a screenshot of Rene’s letter.

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