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A Letter to A Straight Black Brother: How to Love A Black Lesbian

Lies, Lies and More Lies

 Brother, you say how difficult it is for black men to “choose to marry black women” and claim that a “super increase in lesbianism in the black community” is what is “forcing black men to marry Asians, Latinas, white women.” First of all, you’ve insulted women all across the board. If I were an Asian, Latina or White woman who discovered that my man married me because I was a second choice, I would be pissed and demand a divorce pronto. However, we both know that is not the case. It’s not that there is an increasing shortage of black women to marry that is causing black men to marry women of other races. That is a bald-faced lie. In fact 70.5 percent of black women in America have never been married, making them the number one unmarried group in this country. So what does that say about the black men who refuse to marry period or refuse to marry black women period?

It says we can’t win with some black men. In the past, we’ve been told that we are too angry, too demanding, too independent, too educated, too large, too nappy-headed, etc., as your reason for choosing mates of other races. Now you’re using lesbianism as the latest weapon in why we are not marriage-material, at least for you. Chile please.

Black women have been choosing black men for generations but for the past 50 years at least, you have not been choosing us back. I know, because I have many beautiful, straight, black women friends and family who are wonderful and amazing in their own right whose eggs and beauty are withering as they wait for a black man to choose them. I’ve already given them my advice: date and marry men who are down for you even if he’s not black. Many of them won’t take it because they love black men. I get it. I love and prefer to partner with black women. Still, I tell my straight black women friends that love is love. Waiting around for someone of a specific culture to treat you like the queen you are or validate your womanhood is a fool’s game.

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Article written by:

Zamara Perri

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She loves black love and loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

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  1. Love Lab Editor
    Love Lab Editor

    I updated the article to include a screenshot of Rene’s letter.

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