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A Recap of My First Holiday Dinner With My New Bae and My Family

My favorite aunt always hosts dinner. Everyone was pretty cordial toward bae, but none except my flower child cousin made an effort to be extra friendly and get to know her. As we were figuring out seating at the dinner table, bae thought she was going to end up sitting beside my mom. I caught a glimpse of the terror in her eyes and sat her beside me—directly across from my mother. My mother, who is a genuinely nice woman and keeps praying for the right man to redeem me from this sinful “lifestyle,” seemed horrified throughout the entire dinner. She did not once make eye contact with bae. Another of my female cousins gave bae a very firm manshake while another aunt gave her a none-too-friendly and overt side eye.

No one really talked to bae who can be very shy, and so she didn’t say much. We talked about politics, movies and church. Overall, there was an elephant in the room and everyone was trying to figure out if they were really seeing what they were seeing. During dinner, I rubbed bae’s leg under the table and held her hand, which she later said calmed her down. At times I forgot that I try to not do PDA around my family. Later on she told me that I was not slick and had been completely oblivious of the bald stares coming from my family.

We were the first to leave the gathering. I know bae was thrilled when I announced that I was sleepy and we were ready to go. We got friendly goodbyes from everyone and when we got in the car bae wondered if everyone would talk about us behind our backs. I didn’t think so but didn’t particularly care. If they wanted to talk or speculate about us that was their right and freedom.

If I Were to Rate the Experience

Looking back, I would rate Bae meeting my family for the first time as a solid B- and Bae agrees. I felt like my family was cordial but definitely not super friendly. Bae on the other hand said the experience was definitely above average. She said even though she felt uncomfortable at times, she thought they made a genuine effort. She said she was especially uncomfortable around my mom because she could see that mom was cringing. She said the rest of evening was humorous because my family was quirky and she enjoyed watching them watching her.

I’m not really sure there was much I could have done to improve that situation. I would like to bring her to more family events in the future, but before I do that, I think I may need to host some smaller gatherings in my own home or hers and invite my family.

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Article written by:

Zamara Perri

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She loves black love and loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

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