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Dating

Are You Looking to Date or Not?

Written by Shawn Frazier

When did we get to the point where it is a negative thing to openly seek relationships or commitment? Don’t know what I mean? The next time you’re on a dating app, notice the number of black lesbians who are NOT “seeking a relationship or commitment of any kind.”

I understand not wanting a commitment from the jump because getting to know people takes time. But at some point, you have to piss or get off the pot. Why go on a dating app and create a profile, just to say you’re only looking for friendship (when we all know darn well you’re looking for attention)?

Yes, I’m Calling Out the Cheaters

How seriously do you expect to be taken when your profile says “not single/not looking,” yet you’re hitting people up in their message inbox? Go find people for you and your boo/on again-off again girlfriend to double date (I’m sure there’s an app for that) and leave the truly single people alone!

Yes, I’m Calling Out the Players

Lately, I’ve run into women who’ll message me. They want to know all about me, exchange numbers, text good morning every day and ask when we can hang. Once I get into the flow and start to feel comfortable, they want somebody to court them, which is cool.

The problem is they begin to stop doing the leg work of providing reciprocity. Honestly, it’s a bit frustrating because any time spent getting to know them is wasted based on the dishonesty of their intent. They begin to reference the fact that they’re single and just looking for friends. And this is where I cut them off because I’m on a dating site to *drum roll, please* date.

Match.com and EHarmony are successful because for the most part, those who frequent these sites are seriously seeking companionship. Until lesbians have similar sites, it’s important that we tell the truth. Either that or give Grinder and Jack’d a run for their money (hey, at least our brothers are real about their sh*t!).

Be Real With Yours

Meme discussing the state of dating nowadays

If you are single, be bold with your intentions! If you want someone to bide your time while you figure things out, say that! You may be surprised how many women are looking for the same thing. If you want a sexual partner, you can have that as well. If you want to meet the love of your life, by all means, don’t pussyfoot around.

My point is, by clearly putting out into the universe what you truly want, it will come to you. I believe it and you should too. Be honest with yourself and others. Spare yourself the unnecessary drama of having to say “I told you in the beginning…*insert bullsh*t excuse* when you weren’t consistent with your words and actions.

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Article written by:

Zamara Perri

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She loves black love and loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

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