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Ask a Lesbian

Ask a Lesbian: I’m Too Grown for Scrubs

No scrubs.

I’m I asking for too much by wanting a woman on my level?

Dear Ask a Lesbian:

I’m in my mid 30s. I’m grown, make good money, established and confident. I recently realized that I want my partner to bring as much as I do to the table or I’m not happy. I’m talking $45,000 a year plus, responsible (pay her bills first), caring about her partner’s feelings/wants/needs, sacrifices and compromises, amazing sex and makes me feel like a Queen. I have no issues making her feel like my King. Is it wrong of me to expect so much from my partner?~No Scrubs

Andrea’s Advice: No but the financial part always kills me. No two people are equal. You my friend will never be happy. What happens when she starts making more than you and you’re all “I’m love” and she makes YOU kick rocks? Love someone for them. They can be independent and still pay their bills.

If my wife was like that when my cancer got bad and I had to quit working and she bounced, man o man I would have been crushed.

Be single is my advice for you. What happened to the world where people were in love and that’s all they worried about?

Shay’s Advice: If someone made 9 dollars an hour, genuinely loved me and I never felt like I had to question them, they accepted everything I came with, then that 9 dollars an hour is out the window. Money come and go but real, loyal people are hard to find. I can carry my own, period. So, I’m not counting anyone’s coins at the end of the day. If I really love you and I’m rocking with you, wherever you fall short I got you.

Treena’s Advice: Only $45k though? Shoot I’m asking for $60k plus, but I guess that depends on what region of the United States you live in, right? Lol.

I don’t see anything wrong with setting your standards to having someone who brings just as much as you to the table. 

We all do love an independent woman, right? But at the same time, don’t cheat yourself because they fall short from it. You have to weigh it out. You can get with someone who makes $100k and they end up unemployed, you feel me?

Nicole’s Advice: Meet and exceed me and we can grow from there. You can never be wrong for holding yourself as valuable. People need to understand if she built herself to a level she deserves someone on it! I am with ya! Except that king and queen stuff! I am just married! Lol.

Lynda’s advice: Nobody wants to HELP raise a grown woman.

Don’t drop your standards sweetheart. Most of these women that are crying about money shows you their worth.

They have the latest Jordans but no life insurance, fronting on social media in their homie’s cribs, riding in the passenger seat of someone else’s ride.

Ask a Lesbian, is a column where Zamara Perri and other members of the Black Lesbian Love Lab community answer letters from black lesbians looking for help with their relationships. You can send your questions to blacklesbianlovelab@gmail.com.

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Article written by:

Zamara Perri

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She loves black love and loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

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  1. Avatar

    I was the one making at least $20,000 more than my wife, until i was recently laid off. Thank God for my wife, she still bought us a house, and I am currently trying to get back into my field. I am working, now I make less then she does. As long as you each have the motivation to do better, money is not priority.

  2. Avatar
    Withlove, Tania

    I can understand someone having standards and wanting someone on their level. But the way I see it, as long as you can hold your own and you’re trying, I can accept that.

    Ps. I was going to ask how could I get into that advice board. Lol.

  3. Avatar

    It all seems reasonable except for the financial part. If everyone felt this way I would have been sleeping on the streets for the past twenty years instead of sharing life with an amazing woman.

  4. Avatar

    I believe in holding yourself to a standard. Look for someone who meets your standards because you’ve earned them, but don’t close yourself off to other possibilities. Be open and flexible without cheating yourself

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