Celebrating black lesbian love and relationships!

Author: Zamara Perri

News & Opinion

How Black Lesbian Invisibility Inspired this Blog

Playing House

Image One of the things I’d like to do on this blog is not only share my personal experiences of trying to find and keep a loving, healthy, black, woman-centered relationship, but also share and dissect some of the ideas that have made a profound impact on my life. One of the concepts that I think about often is the idea of the nuclear family. All my life, mass media has told me that the ingredients for building a happy, healthy family involved a woman, a man, a church, a mortgage, a minivan and children. Oh and this perfect family model was generally white. This model was certainly prevalent in my neck of the woods in suburban Maryland. On my mother’s side of the family, everybody had done what they were supposed to do: get married and produced the requisite heirs to their middle-class fortunes (i.e. 401ks). On my dad’s side, people didn’t get married. They shacked up for like 20 years while the man had multiple children with multiple women. Some would call the primary relationships common-law marriages. I just called it my norm.

U-hauls or How Lesbians Created a Cottage Industry

Until the marriage equality movement started sweeping the nation, queers like us couldn’t legally marry. Some had ceremonial commitments or civil unions. Desperate to create some semblance of familial commitment, others of us partook in the lesbian u-haul syndrome. We all joke about it but many of us have experienced it in one way or another. The scenario goes a little something like this: two lesbians meet, have an instant connection, immediately get booed up, start spending every free moment together and within months, if not days, they have moved in together. I talked to a friend about this the other day and in her last relationship, her girl just moved in on the sneak tip. They didn’t talk about it or plan it. The girl lived with her mother and when they spent time together at my friend’s house, it just didn’t make sense to go home and then come right over again the next day.