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About Our Love

Benir & Adameka: Love at First Conversation

“There is an odd synchronicity in the way parallel lives veer to touch one another, change direction, and then come close again and again until they connect and hold for whatever it was that fate intended to happen.”

― Ann Rule
Over the years, Benir and Adameka came close to meeting at least six times! There were missed opportunities for them to meet through various parties, events, etc., but the timing just wasn’t right. Three months before they finally met, Adameka asked a mutual friend to connect them. But even that didn’t work. It was social media that finally connected the Atlanta pair! One night on Facebook, Benir commented on a post in a group and Adameka responded under her comment. “After chatting, we realized that fate had been trying to get us together for the last three years!” Benir shares. Even more, Benir says, “We knew that we were meant to be together from the first conversation. It was truly love at first sight/conversation.”

The First Date

After their first conversation, Benir asked Adameka out and planned the first date. They had lunch at a local restaurant and then walked through the neighborhood and stopped at different shops that represented the things Benir liked about her. “I loved her gorgeous smile and the light and joy in her eyes,” Benir recalls. “And I loved her light,” Adameka replies.

But after their first date and first kiss, sparks did not fly!

While some people would have called it quits after that, they did not. “It felt like we were on a date with someone we’d loved for years!” Benir says. “There was a very ‘at home’ feeling.” After they talked about it later that night, Adameka sent Benir the following quote: “The Buddhists say if you meet somebody and your heart pounds, your hands shake, your knees go weak, that’s not the one. When you meet your ‘soul mate’ you’ll feel calm. No anxiety, no agitation.”

I Knew She Was Special When

Adameka snuggles up to Benir
Adameka snuggles up to Benir.
Sparks or not, Benir says, “I knew from the first conversation that she was someone I needed in my life. I knew that even if we didn’t end up together, that I loved the woman she is and would have a lifelong friendship at the least.” Adameka got her moment of clarity about Benir about two weeks after they met. “I was getting my house ready to sell and stopped by to clean up. I had some work being done on the house and when I arrived, the toilet was broken and flooded the bottom level. I’d already put so much money into it, I was at my wit’s end. Benir called me and she could tell that I was stressed and trying not to cry. We were supposed to hang out, but I canceled because I was so upset about the house. She wouldn’t take no for an answer. She came over with pizza and beer and just sat with me and held space. She reassured me that this was temporary and everything would be okay. Her presence brought me peace and made me realize that this was just a house; she is my HOME! Even though the sparks were slow in coming, Benir says that has all changed: “I get chills every time she looks at me! God really showed out with this one! All those sparks I didn’t get in the beginning of the relationship are there every day now and then some!”

The Proposal

Adameka and Benir laugh at the table
Adameka and Benir share a laugh at Benir’s birthday party.
Almost a year after they started dating, Adameka planned to surprise Benir with a proposal during Benir’s birthday celebration. However, Benir had dreamed about the proposal a month before and already knew what her answer would be. So, she wasn’t completely surprised when Adameka stood up in the middle of the party and pulled out a ring box. Watch Adameka’s emotional proposal below:

What I Love About My Fiancée

Adameka shares a loving glance with her fiancee
Adameka shares a loving look with her fiancée.
“I love her smile, her heart, her spirit, her drive, her energy,” Benir gushes. “I love her ability to truly SEE me and reflect the best parts of me back to myself while holding up a mirror to lovingly reflect the parts of me that still need work. She is my perfect reflection.”

For Adameka, it’s simple. She says, “Benir is my peace. She is the reason I understand the term ‘holding space’. She is my reflection.”

Benir's beautiful engagement ring
The bling! 🙂

How We Got Past …

Benir embraces Adameka from behind.
Benir embraces Adameka from behind.
One of the biggest adjustments for these two career-driven women has been learning to take time out from their busy lives and make time for each other. “In the beginning of our relationship, we had to learn how to be intentional about making sure we prioritize one another and our connection,” Benir says. “It’s easy to get caught up in life and assume that because your partner knows you love her, she’ll be fine. We had to learn how to be intentional about quality time and maintaining the connection no matter what distractions come up.” Congratulations to the happy couple 🙂

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Article written by:

Zamara Perri

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She loves black love and loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

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  1. Avatar
    Angie b

    I wish that you guys was in philadelphia,i long for friends as well as a lover,i,m so tired of buying my friends and lovers,why can,t someone love me for who i,am and not for what i can gibe you,help me signed miss lonely

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