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Bullies Want Puppets, Not Partners

Written by Casey Mason*

Don’t go looking for a strong, capable woman with her life in order and expect her not to have likes, dislikes, opinions and a personality built on inner strength.

Those of us, who are in a good place in our lives got there by overcoming a great deal and making good choices along the way. So when you come at a woman like me, you need to recognize that you cannot try to change me into your puppet.

I’ve had a couple of experiences that made me realize that some women are bullies who are looking for puppets not partners.

She was all About Control

In one relationship, my partner wanted to control things that were important to her and gave little consideration to my feelings. For example, she ran all of the social events that dealt with other people.

She didn’t like socializing with most people and this often meant she would lie and get out of going to outings even when I wanted to go. At times the lie involved me as the reason for not going and I didn’t care for that.

She had a control issues and often treated me like I was her child telling me when to put on a coat or wear slippers! I was seldom allowed an opinion; although I would still express them. And that was not okay with her because she would tell me that “I always had something to say.”

Well yes, as an adult I do often have something to say; as did she.

Small Things Lead to Big Things

I would jokingly call her a bully but I realize now that she truly was. She has many great qualities but I allowed them to cloud my view of the situation I was allowing.

Victims of bullying have to remember that the small things lead to big things. If anyone says you don’t deserve a voice in your own life, they are not truly interested in your life. Even small concessions can lead to larger ones.

Trying to appease that person can become problematic because you might find yourself isolated from your friends and social situations that you enjoy. The sad part is that woman is probably not willing to do the same for you.

Here is a free PDF guide to help you recognize and leave an unsafe relationship >>

8 Ways to Spot and Deal With a Bully

Can you be in in a relationship without bullying? Yes, bullying is an ego and self-esteem conflict. Women who have high self esteem and are not so busy trying to protect their ego won’t try to bully you.

Here are some tips on how to recognize if you or your partner is a bully and how to deal with it:

1 Bullies feel they must assert their way, ideas and belittle those who have a different view.

2 Bullies will talk down to you or ignore you.

If your partner belittles you in front of others that is a clear sign that she lacks respect for you. Soon those behaviors become more aggressive and at times physical.

3 It’s okay to disagree on things big or small. If your partner cannot accept that, she may be a bully.

4 If your partner treats you like a child, then she may be a bully.

You already have parents, find someone who is interested in being a partner.

5 RESPECT is the answer to bullying.

The bully needs to realize that theirs is not the only opinion that counts and everything does not have to be their way. When you have mutual respect, you give your partner’s feeling and desires an equal amount of attention as you do your own.

6 If you can respect someone enough to be their partner, then learn to accept that grown, mature women have their own thoughts, opinions, and personality.

7 Speak up!

Often bullying occurs because the person feels something is lacking in the other parts of their life. Instead of addressing the real issue they try to take control of an issue they can get away with.

8 Respect yourself and listen to your internal alarms. If you are feeling bullied, you probably are!

 

 

 

 

 

 


*Casey Mason is the writer’s pen name.

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  1. Lee

    This is a great article be more and more black lesbians need to spot the signs of a bully. There are enough abused black women in this world. My sisters you deserve better and shouldn’t stand for someone bullying you whether it be emotional, physical, or mentally.

    • Black Lesbian Love Lab

      Thanks for commenting. You’re right! Sometimes we miss the signs 🙁

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