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Tikesha embraces Heidi from behind.
Heidi and Tikesha embrace during one of their international meet ups. Photo by NIBA Photography.
Interviews

Catch Feelings & Flights: Two Stories of Long Distance Love

Tikesha was living her best life! She was living and working in Europe and frequently indulged in one of her favorite hobbies–traveling. For three years, she hopped from country to country while sharing photos of her travels and uncanny fashion sense via Instagram (@Q.U.E.E.N.DOM.) and Facebook.
However, something was missing. As a single black lesbian, she wanted someone special in her life. She had assumed that  in time she would meet that one black woman that conveniently lived in one of the European countries she frequented.
But, after about two-and-a-half years of living abroad and being single for about five years, she was starting to miss some of the perks of having a partner. So, in September 2018, she decided to post a photo of herself to an Instagram page where they highlighted single women.
Out of all the responses she received, one of the most intriguing came from Heidi, who was living in Chicago, Illinois, about 4,000 miles away from where Tikesha lived in the Netherlands and a seven-hour time difference.

This Wasn’t My First Choice

Heidi stands behind Tikesha on one of their international meetups. Photo by NIBA Photography.
For me, it wasn’t my first choice,” Tikesha recalled. “I wasn’t looking for someone living in the [United States]. But I do believe that your connection may not be in your backyard, so I was also open to long-distance for the right individual.”
One of the concerns Tikesha had about dating over the Internet, and ultimately long distance was that potential partners would take one look at her androgynous femme style and try to force her into a heteronormative box.
But Heidi was different.

“She and I just clicked,” Tikesha recalled. “Some folks made assumptions on what type of person I would be attracted to or my identity. No one asked. Heidi’s approach was direct, she positively spoke about my fluidity from my IG page, and she was non-assuming. It made me smile and feel comfortable.”

For Heidi, “Tikesha was a breath of fresh air. She was so comfortable in her fluidity. I also feel like she gets me in that way too. I feel very free to be Heidi all the time when I’m with her.” 
When Tikesha returned to the U.S. for the holidays in December 2018, she Heidi met in person for the first time. By January 2019, despite the distance, the two decided to date exclusively and are happily in love. 

Heidi admits that the hardest part of being in a long distance relationship is not “being able to get a hug or just be near each other. I try to hold her hand as much as I can when we are together.” 

Heidi kisses Tikesha on steps in London
Heidi kisses Tikesha while in London. Photo by @crimsonlondon.
The couple sees each other three to five times a year and Facetimes and texts every day. Tikesha plans to return to the United States in a couple of years and says, she’d love to get married and create a home for them.

When You Have Great Chemistry, It’s Kinda Easy

Beverly’s own long-distance story took a different turn. She met an extraordinary woman via mutual friends over social media. Beverly lived in New York, and her then-partner lived and (still does) in Atlanta, Georgia.
“It was pretty cool initially,” Beverly fondly recalls. “She visited first. We had great conversation, no game playing, and on the same wavelength emotionally. It became serious rather quickly.”
They were together for six years. The woman Beverly was dating was already established in Georgia and had her own home. She wanted to get married.

Things Weren’t Falling Into Place

Eventually, they made plans for Beverly to move to Georgia. When asked about managing a long-distance relationship for so long, Beverly replied, “When you have great chemistry, it’s kinda easy.”

Unfortunately, after six years, the two ended their relationship. The move didn’t happen. “I was seriously considering marrying her, but didn’t want to move to Georgia and not have a stable income all while planning a marriage.

Things weren’t falling into place,” Beverly said. “I did everything humanly possible to find a job. I even got a headhunter. I still couldn’t find anything nearly comparable to my salary. And I had already been on my job 20 years.”
The two eventually decided to part ways. “It was six years well spent,” Beverly shared, and the last she checked, her ex is now happily married.
Have you ever been in a long-distance relationship? What was it like for you? Would you ever do it again?

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Article written by:

Zamara Perri

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She loves black love and loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

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