Celebrating black lesbian love and relationships!

Black Lesbian Love Lab (BL3) is a magazine-inspired relationship blog committed to sharing relationship stories and resources about and for black queer women (lesbian, bisexual, poly, transgendered, etc.) and the women who love them. 


What Inspired This Blog

I started this blog in April 2014 after I ended yet another relationship. I was looking around on the web to see stories of stories like mine–that featured mid-30s black, lesbian women who needed really quality advice on how to get over a devastating break up. There was not a lot. So I started healing myself through writing on this blog and talking to other black lesbian women.

At the time I was also deeply closeted and was inspired by black lesbians who live their lives and share their love freely all over social media. Seeing their love stories filled my heart with so much joy and even in my grief made me hopeful about meeting my future love.

But I’m kind of greedy and to me, there are not enough tools, stories and resources for black queer women and their families and this has bothered me for many years. As a professionally trained, print journalist, I know first-hand the power that mainstream media has in all of our lives.

Media overwhelming determines what is real, normal and acceptable. If something is not in the media, it doesn’t exist. And while there is an increasing number of black lesbians and queer people in the media, I find that black queer love, commitment and families are still for the most part invisible.

I could not let the love stories of women in committed, long-term relationships remain untold because that would be a disservice to our community and the rest of the world.

We Support Healthy Relationships

I also started this blog because I believe there are many of us who want healthy, loving relationships and families, but we just don’t know how to go about gaining one.

In my particular case, I have seen very few healthy, happy relationships among family members. I grew up a child of divorce and suffered emotional abuse, neglect and abandonment. As a 30-something, black queer woman, I struggled in my two major relationships.

In both cases, I was emotionally unavailable at first but slowly and surely opened myself up and became vulnerable. In both cases, we discussed marriage and family. But both cases involved anger, distrust, disrespect and violence.

But it wasn’t just the other person who caused me pain. I’ve been shady, flirty, dismissive, sneaky, a martyr, unsupportive and excessively needy. Needless to say, this made relationships difficult for me.  None of my exes are evil. I believe in both cases we had deep love, but because neither of us had models for healthy families, the relationships we tried to create were disastrous.

So, I’ve been learning from and showcasing real, lasting queer/lesbian families of color here. I believe the models, the real VIPs, are the black lesbians who have failed at love and keep getting back up again.

We are an integral part of the fabric of the American story, and without our threads, the story is incomplete.

Join me in telling our stories!

We are accepting writers, families, couples, professional counselors/therapists, photographers and educators from all over the country and beyond North America. We are also seeking other community members who are willing to ask questions, participate in respectful debate on the site and honestly seek and share help for those needing it. Welcome one and all!



Zamara Perri

Join the discussion

  1. Avatar

    Z, that is such a beautiful message. Thanks for creating this blog for the healthy unfolding of black queer love. I know 3rd time will be the charm for you!

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    I would love to speak with you about interviewing my client Coach Kerri and her Wife. Kerri is a LGBT relationship and life coach. Her wife is a EFT healer. I can be reached via email and hope to connect to discuss further.

  3. Avatar

    Hello, I Would Love To Speak To You About Me And My Girlfriend Relationship. Many people may not realize that Having an Older Mate can help build a healthy relationship as well. I’m younger than my mate and I believe we have accomplished a lot in the past year. We haven’t been together years but I do think we will be getting married. She keep telling me she want to ask me but I tell her let’s wait some more years because 1 year is still fresh. Lbs

  4. Avatar
    Theresa Quitto-Dickerson

    Thank you for sharing and creating the page! I wish there was this kind of access back when my wife and I were dating. We’ve been together now for going on 14 years and a lot of the advice and stories that have been shared on here would have been lovely, lol. But I’m glad the resource is here now. Can’t wait to read more !

    • Black Lesbian Love Lab
      Black Lesbian Love Lab

      Awww thank you so much Theresa! We appreciate your support. Please don’t hesitate to let us know what kind of topics you’d like to see us cover on the blog! Also, please let us know if you’d like to share your love story with us. You can reach us at blacklesbianlovelab@gmail.com. ~Zamara

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    My good friend shared an article with me that lead me here to your site. I must say that I’m very impressed with the content. I’ve had countless discussions with my peers in regards to our community and the need for more conscious awarness and healing . so many are stuck in unhealthy patterns and cycles. Thank you for your generosity in sharing your story. And contribution towards building and shaping a healthier community , by creating this platform. I would love to support by contribute creatively.

    • Black Lesbian Love Lab
      Black Lesbian Love Lab

      Thank you so much for your kind words Danie! It is truly a joy to do this work. Would love to collaborate. Please drop me an email at blacklesbianlovelab@gmail.com. Peace, love and courage sis! ~Zamara

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    Dínea Elliott-Collins

    Met my wife Chanel in undergrad in 2005, we began dating in 2009 and were married in May of 2012. Our relationship is dynamic, real and we love the messages you guys are putting out. We’d love to contribute in some way.

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    Thank you so much for creating this. I truly feel a sense of community with this blog, and I adore the fact that it is for Black Women! I can relate to the posts and have learned so much from them. Thank you for giving back to our community!

    • Black Lesbian Love Lab
      Black Lesbian Love Lab

      You’re so welcome! I’m so glad you’re enjoying the site 🙂

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