Celebrating black lesbian love and relationships!
stud with a tolder
About Our Family

Could I Lose The Children I Raised? A Stud’s Story

Written by Shy Williams

My worst nightmare has come true. We were no longer a couple. I am now alone in our two-bedroom apartment. She packed up a few outfits for them and said she was going to her mom’s for a few days. That is the worst feeling ever.

To feel heartbroken over a relationship ending is one thing, but to feel like your children have been taken away from you, is another level of pain. The grief is real for me right now and honestly, I do not know what to do with all I am feeling.

Legally, I have No Rights to Them

No, I did not carry and birth my son and daughter but does that make me less of a parent? I am up with them when they are sick, and I bust my ass for them to have a roof over their heads and clothes on their backs.

I pray for their day-to-day safety and pour every inch of love I have into them. I’ve planned for their future as if I birthed them and yet I fear that this may be the last time I see them.

The fear is real because legally I have no rights to them. My rights are all moral, and that will never stand up in the court of law.

If I could adopt them, I would, but their father still has parental rights.

Our Children Are My Weakness

I am so frustrated, confused, and depressed. I have to see my babies on her time and terms. She says I can see them on my day off but after seeing them every day, a few hours feels like a few seconds.

I mostly feel fearful. I feel like at any moment she can say, fuck the bond that has been built. I feel like if I move on she can use our kids as leverage.

When a person knows your weakness they will use it, well our children are my weakness. So many nights I cried but still got up and went to work depressed. I completely let myself go. I’m walking around on eggshells hoping that this time isn’t my last time seeing them.

Living my entire life in fear when it comes to my children is no way to live.

She Kept Her Promise

Those fears were from two years ago when my ex and I broke up. I wrote down my fears and my grief in my diary. My son is now nine, and my daughter is two.

My ex kept her promise of allowing me to see the children. There were times when I didn’t think she would. We have gotten into very heated disputes, but now we co-parent very well.

Over the last six months has been the most secure I’ve felt about her keeping her promise. This is probably because I’m over her and have healed. My ex and the children’s father get along well, and they respect my role in my children’s life.

I see my babies every day. We work our schedules around it. I work during the day, and she works overnight.

Check out this FREE PDF with 7 things to consider before dating a black lesbian single mom>>>

I Pay Child Support

My ex takes great care of the children on her own, but she honestly makes so many sacrifices. So yes, I contribute financially. I think of it as a form of child support.

Regardless of the fact that I have no legal rights to them, I told her when she was pregnant with our daughter, that I would always be there for them physically, emotionally and financially no matter our outcome. We are now discussing her will and what will happen to the children in case something happens to me.

This Wasn’t What I Pictured

Do the children see me as their other mom? I’m not sure how my two-year-old sees me. But just the other day, my boy said, “You take care of me like I’m your son you are my God mom.”

It was not what I pictured as my family dynamic, but the bond we have can’t be broken.

She Thinks I’m Superwoman

I’m in a fresh relationship. Not every woman is supportive of her partner, especially a stud who is a non-birth parent, keeping ties with the children of her ex. There is almost this expectation that studs should move on after the relationship is over.

But my new girlfriend thinks I’m superwoman because I stayed and kept my promise. In life, we only have our word to stand on. I’m a strong believer in integrity.

Although I love my children, there is still something missing from my life. It’s like the puzzle is missing that one piece to make it a masterpiece. This experience has made me want to birth my own child even more. That is why I’m in the beginning stages of IVF.

black women with child ebook cover








We do not know the name of the family pictured. If you do, please comment below and we’ll be sure to credit them!

Facebook Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: