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Dear Channing, You Deserve Better: How to End the Cycle of Bad Relationships

Be selective. Some of us honestly don’t believe we are valuable assets. Not every random person who approaches us deserves our time. Relationships are huge investments. They can cause repercussions that can echo throughout your life for years. It’s your life. Be picky.

Lay all your cards on the table. If you want to get married and have kids, tell her on the first date what you’re looking for. If you’re just looking for a cuddle buddy, tell her that too. If you’re not looking for neither of those things, tell her.

Recognize what real love is. You can have a fairytale love story, but realize you may have to change your definition of what real love is. Real love is not about the optics—what looks good on TV or social media. Real love is someone seeing you at your most naked and vulnerable moment and she doesn’t hold it against you or take advantage of that. Instead, she jumps in the trenches with you. Now that’s a keeper.

Use your platonic relationships as a guide for your romantic relationships. If you wouldn’t keep a terrible friend, don’t keep a terrible girlfriend.

Be with someone who is ready for all you have to offer. Relationships are about sharing and compromising with each other. Not everyone is ready to take a partner into consideration and that’s okay. Actions speak louder than words. If she is unsure or wants you to be someone you are not, let her go.

Find someone kind who specializes in the little things. When we first started dating my partner told me she deserved to have grand romantic gestures. And she is right. But the thing is, big romantic gestures are not always sustainable. My partner now loves and appreciates the little things that I do without thinking: rubbing her feet at night, holding her hand, texting or calling her throughout the day and cooking for her.

Try these steps and I promise you that you will  save yourself a lot of heartache!

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Article written by:

Zamara Perri

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She loves black love and loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

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    I love this show

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    I lobe this show

  3. Pingback: Dear Channing, You Deserve Better: How to End the Cycle of Bad Relationships | Essence of Pride, Inc.

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    Leah Glass

    My favorite is Channing. She needs to get with princpal Jackson. On some grown woman stuff. Love this article.

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