Dear Lesbian Love and Advice: I’m a femme and my girl is a stud. We live together and are best friends. For some reason we argue a lot and we think it’s because we are always together. About a week ago, we had a big argument that caused me to leave our home. She slept out as well.
About four days after the argument, we ended up back together, and the sex, love, conversations, emotional and physical vibes was there. Today she says to me, “I think we should spend two days a week apart, because I need space.”
Now I’m the type of person that love attention from my girlfriend. I do not see shit wrong with that. But, she on the other hand needs space.
We LIVE TOGETHER why would I want to spend days apart from her if I love and care about her? How am I supposed to marry her and have a family with her if she can’t even be with me for a whole week?
Once she said that, I had an attitude. She said she thinks I’m giving up on us, but I’m not; I’m trying to compromise, but I think that’s crazy as hell. Can we work this out? I need advice, please
JL’s Advice: I’ve been there before. From my own situation, it may have nothing to do with you, she just wants some time apart because being together 100 percent of the time does get a bit old. My lady and I have a big house, and we spend time apart in the house doing our own thing. Our work is our time away as well because we’re on different schedules. We don’t watch the same shows and barely have much in common, but we still work well together. Maybe you need a date night or just a day or two away. Hope this helps.
Demi’s Advice: Married people don’t take days off or sleep somewhere outside of their home. This woman isn’t for you, period. She is too selfish to be in a relationship. What is she going to do if you two get married and have kids? Is she going to take time off from the kids as well?
Some women are simply too stupid to be in a relationship with. I think the truth is you are not the one she desires to be in a marriage with. It shouldn’t be this hard to live with the person you love.
This is an example of the hole lesbians trap themselves in with the “I treat my mate like I would treat my bff” crap. You should always behave better for your mate. You should never water down the standards so low that you both think “anything goes and anything can be said or done.”
You need to always speak and respond to your mate in a special way because she’s not a friend, sibling, or cousin. Don’t make the mistake of being too cool with each other. There are lines there for a REASON. For example: You don’t always have to be polite to your sister and she will still love you. You can’t do that in a relationship. In a relationship, you always have to be polite or the person may drop you for a woman who has better manners than you. In others words, never get too comfortable to think a mate will always put up with all of your crap.
Yve’s Advice: It is fine to have space. It’s just the style of space needed should fit your situation. Maybe two days is a bit much. Maybe take a Sunday fun day separately? But lay out the criteria you both need:
“Is it ok for me to text you to let you know I care?”
“If we are apart, don’t make plans for us to meet up because I’ll look forward to it and if you change your mind it would hurt my feelings.”
“Are you going to be staying at someone’s house or are we going to be doing our separate things and coming home together at the same time?”
These questions are critical so confusion and uneasiness doesn’t happen later.
Dear Lesbian Love and Advice shares the most interesting questions and advice from Facebook.com/LesbianLoveAdvice. The questions and responses have been reprinted with permission.