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Love Stories & Weddings

We are not Freaks! Why We Love Being an Old School Butch-Femme Couple

Photo: The Watermelon Woman

Written by Miss Kitty

“My hard working Hersband will be coming home to a clean house, a wife showered and in a pretty new dress, and a southern belle-prepared dinner of baked chicken, pigeon peas and rice, collard greens, potato salad and a pineapple upside down cake (sugar free) for dessert! Following that up tonight with a romantic foot bath/massage. I feel bad that she doesn’t get much of a break from her busy work and school schedule, so she deserves it. Any little thing I can do to make her life easier or more pleasurable, that is my goal. Being her wife, I was made for it.” ~Miss Kitty

Look here, I do have respect for the “new school queers” who want to live genderless, gender fluid, role-less, label-less, etc., lives. That’s cool with me if that is who you truly identify as. That being said, you can live your lives without dogging and devaluing us old school butches and femmes.

We are not freaks. We are not close minded. We are not backwards. We are simply trying to be OURSELVES in peace.


That is the same thing that you claim to strive for. So many times I see comments like: “Neither one of us wears the pants. We are both equal,” or “We are both women,” or “We both work, cook, clean, yada, yada.” First of all, being a butch or femme does not make one inferior or superior to the other. We just have different energy types. One isn’t unequal to the other—that is just absurd ignorance.

The butch-femme dynamic has been around since the beginning of woman-to-woman love; just well hidden and repressed. But there, nonetheless. Second of all, women with predominantly masculine energy are still women, so I don’t see how that has anything to do with any valid point.

Sajdah Gold and Chanel Brown, who both appeared on the Real L Word, are a modern version of the butch-femme relationship.

Sajdah Gold and Chanel Brown, who both appeared on the Real L Word, are a modern version of the butch-femme relationship.

Plus, as for the “pants,” we all know straight women who rule over their pants-wearing husbands, which makes the whole pants comparison ridiculous. Lastly, earning money, cooking and cleaning can be done by anyone who wants a paycheck, food or a tidy house!

There are neat and clean butches and dirty and sloppy femmes. There are broke butches and wealthy femmes. There are butch chefs and femmes who can’t boil water. Stop with the crazy stereotypes and don’t use them to criticize the butch-femme dynamic! It doesn’t even make sense.

Some of us are 100% comfortable in how we are within our relationships and how we express our energy. Some people just happen to have a huge amount of feminine energy (like me) and some have more masculine.

Understand that within a butch-femme relationship, we perfectly complement each other and that works for us. It’s about the yin and the yang. I love and celebrate my femininity and trying to be anything else but who I am would be pure hell! So, leave us be.

I think there’s nothing more beautiful than diversity within our community. Be who you are proudly and unapologetically without being a queer elitist about it. In the end, we are all in the same rainbow boat.

MIss Kitty

Miss Kitty

Miss Kitty is an author, energy healer, tantric sex coach and modern day priestess! She writes under several pen names and is an imaginary architect, a literary traveler and erotic arts master. Her line of erotica is a sensual feast for the mind and body; which range from soft and deeply romantic to hardcore and kinky. Miss Kitty also has a selection of books on lesbian relationships, dating, magic spell work for love and sex and much more!  Click here to visit her Amazon bookstore.

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