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Family is Who You Choose Them to Be

Ashell and Lia take a selfie in the car.

Ashell and Lia take a selfie in the car.

BL3: What do you like about each other?

Lia: Her personality is really confident and she’s like completely opposite of me, which is a good thing because sometimes I need that push.

Ashell: I like Lia’s personality. She’s the level-headed one. She thinks about what she says before she says it. She’s a processor and keeps me grounded about a lot of things.

BL3: How has your family responded to you two getting together?

Ashell: We have no family support. We are absolutely on our own. For my family, they don’t address it. My grandmother is in complete denial. My sister kind of blows in the wind. My mother is starting to come around to it a little bit. My dad is a deacon in the church. He wrote me a letter and I wrote him one back. I’m guessing he’s against it and still struggling with it.

Lia: I told my mom first and she was ok even though she had some feelings against it. She asks how Ashell’s doing but won’t address the relationship. My father’s against it. When I first told him, he started sending me Bible verses every day. My younger sister is gay. My older sister doesn’t agree with it, but loves me anyway but she also doesn’t address it as well. My younger brother knows but doesn’t’ really care but we never really have a conversation.

BL3: Where do you get your support?

Lia and Ashell: Each other.

Lia: We tried to find churches or friends or something around here but we really haven’t found any yet.

BL3: How did your church react when they found out you were gay?

Ashell: I just started a Youtube channel and shared my coming out story as a Christian.

BL3: Do you still go to church?

Lia: We are both Christians. Ashell seems like she doesn’t care about it but she does. I don’t want to go to a church unless they are accepting of us. I go more so because she goes.

Ashell: Nobody can tell me that I can’t serve God. Who are you to tell me what I can do with my faith? We go to churches and try to find a church that is okay with gay people but it’s scant.

BL3: Are you two planning to get married?

Lia: One day we’ll get married.

Ashell: She feels like if she gives me a ring that seals the deal. But for me, we don’t need to have a ring. I’m still waiting on it, but we don’t need to have that to be committed and to know that I’m going to [get married].

Lia: I consider us committed but feel like having a ring will make it more real.

Ashell: I still think everything is prayer. I prayed about it and I feel like that this is the person God wants me to be with.

Lia: Even though we had our issues and struggles, don’t see myself with anyone else.

Lia and Ashell’s family includes Scotty, their cocker spaniel. They also hope to adopt someday. Keep an eye out for Ashell’s upcoming column on this site where she plans to share their journey to motherhood.


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Article written by:

Zamara Perri

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She loves black love and loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

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