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Five Relationship Mistakes Lesbians Don’t Have to Make, According to an Older Stud

Written by Lefty Hall

I’m a single, 52 year-old stud. Since my wife died two years ago, I’m just not interested in another relationship. Angel and I were together for seven years. I learned a lot while we were together.

And now I watch my friends, family members and co-workers who are my age make crazy mistakes that they are too old to make.

Just this morning, I overheard my straight neighbors fussing and they both seem too intelligent to be fussing over money this late in the game. They moved into an apartment together and ran out of McDonald’s money. I couldn’t believe they were yelling at the top of their lungs over a Big Mac. LOL.

Anyway, thank God I’m not those fools.

Life Doesn’t Have to be Messy

A lot of black lesbians I know fussed over similar things. It took me a while but I learned. I learned by watching other lesbians make the same mistakes. If you’re smart, you’ll heed the warning signs long before you’re confronted with mess.

I hope the younger women coming up won’t make some of these basic mistakes and if they do, they don’t make them more than once. Remember these five things and you’ll be good:

  1. Women are NOT sex toys. Treat your woman as gentle as you would a kitten. Don’t forget to pamper her. The woman you love needs TLC. Even if she doesn’t ask for it, you should still do it.
  2. Never cheat! If you still have the itch to play around, it’s best not to start a relationship. Stay single for a while. It’s better for everybody that way.
  3. Make sure you can support yourself and her too. And this applies to studs and femmes! Save for a rainy day so that if something goes wrong, you can pay all her bills and yours too! Last week, I was in the club watching baby studs pull out wads of cash for drinks they can’t even pronounce. I really wish they would get their priorities in order.
  4. Never take on more than you can handle. Relationships should be about teamwork, not one person working like a mule. Your partner should contribute regardless of how much money she makes.
  5. Don’t take on a lady with a bunch of kids, unless the father is supporting HIS children. Don’t forget the children are the Baby Daddy’s responsibility, not yours!

Some of these things may be obvious, but it’s amazing how obvious it is not to step in dog poo, give out information over the phone to strangers or lose your wallet at the ATM, but it happens. Did I mention that I’m happy being single? Being single is not so bad if you do it right!


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Model: Deb Wade

Photo by: Atrulee Photography

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Article written by:

Zamara Perri

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She loves black love and loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

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  1. Avatar
    Aretha ELLIOTT

    So true wow it crazy but that me I love to hard

  2. Avatar

    Does this sound like a match makin attempt disguised as advice to anybody else

    • Black Lesbian Love Lab
      Black Lesbian Love Lab

      I don’t think so T. The author truly wanted to pass on some valuable lessons she learned.

  3. Avatar
    Channa Brooks

    I totally disagree with the last step…. Cause I came in the relationship with 4 girls n there dad is in there life but we Co-Parent well …. U can’t have the Cow without the package …. Smh n u had me til u got to that last one

    • Avatar

      Thank you for that reply. As a former foster child I am disappointed in that attitude. Besides, they are great kids. Love me. Love my kids.

  4. Avatar
    Sweet Chocolate

    This is so true some women just dont get it!! Being single is lovely especially after being in relationships where i was the soul provider…

  5. Avatar
    Lena R.Wallace

    That remark that Deb may is so true …

  6. Avatar

    She had me up until 5. That ish was ignorant. It shouldn’t have been there but if it had to be, then one should be sure SHE is taking care of her kids. You get into a relationship and the kids come with, period. Father’s may not be around or supporting. Is SHE doing what she should as a mother? This is to assume that everyone jumps in and takes on all financial responsibility of our kids and that’s simply not true.

  7. Avatar

    LOL, look at all the butt-hurt baby mamas mad over The Truth stated in number 5. The author is Completely Correct in her assertion. Alot of femmes have the dumb ass idea that all potential partners should be Thrilled to help you raise your kids.smdh…
    I am single and happily child-free and my preference is for a companion without children. I don’t need the baby daddy bullshit, the lack of spontaneity due to the kids school schedules and the like. I chose not to parent….Do you women with children ever think about the heartbreak you put your kids through when the latest stud-daddy and you break up?

    Stop thinking everyone wants to be around Your Damn Kids!

  8. Avatar
    shay p

    Sounds like some pretty good advice. I don’t know about the kid part , can’t stop an attraction late in the game simply because they have kids ! Might miss out on the best thing in the qorld all because you’ve placed boundaries !

  9. Avatar

    I don’t have children but I want them. I think finding a passionate hardworking mother would be ideal for me (I would prefer baby daddy to not be part of the picture at all) as a partner. It also saves me the mess of having to create them expensively between us as well.

    • Black Lesbian Love Lab
      Black Lesbian Love Lab

      LOL. I understand this perspective, Anne. You’re not the only one who would welcome dating a single mother 🙂

    • Avatar

      A single mother WITHOUT the baby daddy would be great for me; no need to worry about splitting time with my girl and her ex BUT to not be accepting of any child because their parent chose a certain path would be undoable for me.

      On a personal level I am staying away from these “situations” because I’ve raised my daughters already, I want to have other fullfilling experiences in my life now that they are moving on with their lives elsewhere and I don’t think I can make peaceful travel plans for my girl and her children. Getting along in this world as a bi squared woman is hard enough (bi squared = bi-racial & bi-sexual for me)

  10. Avatar

    Rayn was right. #5 is ignorant and petty and it’s anti family. All families aren’t baby mommas and baby daddies. My ex-wife and I of over 20 years raised 4 kids that are all adults and now we have grand kids. Surprised that Lesbians have families? You shouldn’t be. We both have new partners and they have become extended family. We are two professional, college educated, financially secure lesbians who aren’t looking for anyone to take care of our kids. We looked for love and we found it. If you want to isolate yourself and say, I don’t want another woman and I don’t want a woman with kids…sounds like a pretty lonely life growing older. I’m a lesbian parent that looks forward to growing older with a partner, surrounded by my children and grandchildren and if I’m blessed to live long enough, my great-grandchildren.
    Long winded but lesbians really do need to stop being so ‘anti-family’ because that’s what it is, not “she got kids”, she has a family and there’s nothing wrong with being a part of that. #ijs

  11. Avatar

    Reading the comments are hilarious. I think as a mother of 4, I could be offended by the last advise, however I feel that parenting is not for everyone. If a stud is aware that she is not interested in being a parent to children that is not hers, then that is her preference. As a single mother dating, you should always strive to be with someone who love and desire a family as much as you do.

  12. Avatar
    the truth hurts

    Not in agreement with #3. You need to support yourself and your life and of course have savings for the future. There is no way you need to plan to pay another grown person’s bills. If the other woman does not have as much money as you do, then you can still be with them, but they can’t do everything you do. Not here for supporting golddiggers. Keep your finances separate.

  13. Avatar
    Grey blue

    Hahahaha the first 4 I agree the 5th one I think by the time chooses to go in a relationship with the other when thy have come to some agreements love is love there are some things we can never stop

  14. Avatar

    As an older stud, I agree with everything but the last step. Love for the Mom, love for the children whether the father is in their life being a responsible parent or not. I helped raise 3 and there was very little help from the father. There was no way I could have sat around and deprived the children or walked away because the father was bit of a dead beat. Their mother and I raised them and they are 3 fine adults today with their own families. I have 5 beautiful grands. Their Mom and I are no longer together but we are a family and continue to share in family and grandparent time and activities. I wouldn’t have changed a thing. Love my children and the blessings of family.

  15. Avatar
    The Goat

    Totally agree with you on number 5! Well stated!!

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