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three black women sharing abuse stories
Health & Spirituality

How I Survived an Abusive Lesbian Relationship

via https://youtu.be/gQbk50vclEI Sandi, Brittney and Terri never expected that the women they loved could ever hurt them. They never saw themselves as people who could become victims of abuse from their partners. In this video, these three incredible black lesbians share their courageous stories of how they escaped their abusive relationships.
Throughout this hour-long discussion, the ladies:
  • Challenge the notion of abusers ONLY being masculine-presenting
  • Discuss how abuse victims can become abusers themselves
  • Lists red flags that you should NEVER ignore
  • Share tips for getting help and getting out
Zamara Perri, founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog, hosted the discussion. Guest speakers include:
Brittney Roquemore is a lesbian-identified domestic violence survivor and advocate. Since prosecuting her abuser after a violent episode, Brittney has spent time creating awareness for domestic violence in queer relationships. She is also working to end the stigma surround same-sex relationships as it pertains to domestic violence.
Brittney has also worked to raise awareness on how to recognize red flags and various types of abuse in LGBTQ romantic relationships, and as well as help guide others on how to know when a loved one may be the victim of abuse. Terri Jones was head over heels in love with a woman who she thought liked being around her. One day, her partner came home from work while Terri was taking a test for school. Terri took too long to open the front door when she rang the bell. When Terri opened the door, her partner punched her straight in the eye. That was the beginning of five years of physical, mental, and verbal abuse.
While Terri was packing up herself and her daughter to FINALLY leave, her partner beat her in front of her daughter. Terri managed to escape and thought she was safe until “she found me and tried to kill me the same day she killed her newly ex-girlfriend. She’s in jail serving 15-25 years.”
Today Terri facilitates domestic violence groups to help LGBTQ women get the help they need. She volunteers at a local domestic violence shelter and accompanies domestic violence survivors in court.
She is working on opening up Maryland’s FIRST LGBTQ Domestic Violence Shelter. Sandi Smith is a retired 911 paramedic and advanced adult cardiac and pediatric instructor. She didn’t realize that she was the constant victim of domestic abuse until 2017. She grew up in a home where domestic violence was common, so when she got into romantic relationships, domestic abuse felt normal for her. She now recognizes that every relationship she has ever been in has been abusive.
Today she speaks out because she’s hoping her story will help someone else get free of domestic violence.

If you are in a situation that you suspect is violent, call the 24/7/365 National Domestic Violence Hotline toll-free hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

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Article written by:

Zamara Perri

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She loves black love and loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

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  1. Avatar
    Deb J.


    A much needed discussion (in the similar vein as Mental Health). Thanks for this post!

    I’ve been in 3 relationships (including my current relationship) at different ages and maturity stages in my life. Thankfully, none of the women I’ve loved are abusive. In fact, I was able to resume a beautiful friendship with both of my exes. But I am very aware of the abuses that have become more common place over the years in the Black lesbian community. That dark reality is quite troubling indeed.

    (Sidenote) I recently stumbled onto this blog while searching for a Black lesbian site that offers thoughtful discussions. I will certainly visit this site again.

    • Black Lesbian Love Lab
      Black Lesbian Love Lab

      Thanks for sharing Deb! I’m glad you’re enjoying the site and hope you’ll sign up for our mailing list so we can keep in touch 🙂

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