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How to Keep Social Media From Destroying Your Relationship

Feature image courtesy of Q. Cannon Photography.

Written by Zamara Perri

Some people think that social media can cause trouble in relationships. I disagree. I think social media can reveal the problems already existing in your  relationships.

So while you may try to place all the blame on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or Snapchat, the real problem lies between you and your partner. Social media is only a channel or a way to communicate. The people with the real power are you and your partner.

Below are my answers to five surprisingly common questions that we get about how to deal with your partner on social media:

1. My girlfriend blocked me on Facebook.

black woman curly hair on phone

We’ve gotten this question a few times. In a couple of cases, the partner blocked her girl because they got into a fight. My response to the partner is this: Stop being immature. If you’re not going to block your girlfriend in real life, you just cannot block her online. If your partner acts out inappropriately on social media, then she probably also acts inappropriately in real life. So either get an adult girlfriend who you plan on dealing with 100 percent of the time (online and offline) or keep complaining. Or if you’re going to act immaturely every time you get into a fight and “punish” her every time you get into a fight, then maybe you are the immature one.


2. Thirsty women are always hollering at bae.

black woman taking selfies

Image courtesy of DapperTomboy

People love a good looking, sexy woman. Unfortunately some misguided women love to obsess over strangers online and think that they can treat your woman better than you. Let them keep thinking that. It is up to your partner to check these women and let them know that your relationship is sacred. If your partner is respectful of your relationship, then relax, no one can take what belongs to you.


3. Some stuff is going down in her DMs.

black and white women in bed naked

Some booed up women think it is okay to entertain other women or have flirtatious conversations in private or direct messages. Every woman knows when she has crossed the line with another woman. If you wouldn’t say something in front of your woman then don’t say it when she’s not there aka in private messages.


Your partner’s phone is not a “WePhone,” it is her private space. Still, if she is hiding her phone, suddenly putting a password on it or going out of the room to answer every phone call, then you have reason to be suspicious.


It is her responsibility to protect your trust, If she is not willing to do that, the relationship cannot survive.


  4. just discovered my partner’s secret Facebook page.

black woman wearing a baseball hat on her phone

Image courtesy of Checahgeaux.

There is nothing wrong with your partner having multiple Facebook pages. My partner has three. But why is it secret though? There is a difference between privacy and secrecy. Privacy happens when you agree to give your partner her space. She may not want to share everything with you because she it’s in the past, none of your business or doesn’t impact your relationship.

For example, my partner has a journal that I would never read. I write fiction that I haven’t shared with her.  I have about a dozen email address that she doesn’t know anything about. And we don’t get into fights about these things. Why? Because we respect each other’s privacy and we are not trying to keep these things a secret. We also trust that neither of us are trying to hurt each other.

A secret is when you don’t share something with your partner because you know you are doing something wrong. It’s okay for your partner to have interests outside of you and the relationship. Is it wrong for your partner to have another page? Not necessarily, but if she is lying about the page, then you already know what’s up.


5. My partner never shares any pictures of me or lets people know she has a girlfriend.


Think about why this bothers you. Some women are closeted and don’t really want anyone to know about their relationship status. Some women want to perpetuate this idea that they are single to keep their options open. And some women are just private. Again there is a difference between privacy and secrecy.

Hell, both me and my partner are listed as single on our social media pages. We rarely post about each other or share couple pics on our pages. My partner and I did that intentionally because we wanted to keep part of our personal life private. But let’s get one thing clear, we are not each other’s dirty little secret.

Find out what your partner’s reasons are for not sharing more about you on social media and try to come to a compromise.

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Article written by:

Zamara Perri

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She loves black love and loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

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