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How to Make Her Fall for the Real You

Written by Miss Kitty

Show her the real you that's worth falling for. Photo: Sweet-Almond-Oil.tumblr.com

Show her the real you that’s worth falling for. Photo: Sweet-Almond-Oil.tumblr.com

Communication can break or make a relationship. This is the sixth in a series of articles sharing how we can improve the way we communicate with the women we love.


Do you find yourself feeling extra sensitive with women, or maybe one specific woman you’re involved with? Yet somehow with other women you feel relaxed, easy-going, confident and happy in your own self? A lot of women feel “off-balance” when a woman they are attracted to is around, and often times they find themselves not acting the way they really wish they could.
Insecurities really have a way of showing up when you least expect them to. It doesn’t have to be that way. Wouldn’t it be great if you could be as much “yourself” with any woman as you are with your friends? Or with a woman you don’t have feelings for?

Women Don’t Like Bitches
Here’s something that can help you stay “in balance” no matter what’s going on around you. It’s easy to get extra sensitive when your picture of things gets small.
It can make you feel like you have to balance two extremes. We’ve seen just how easy it is to be labeled as either a “doormat” or a “bitch.” And we have this idea that women just seem to like those “bitches!”

The truth is, women don’t really like “bitches,” they like women who are real.

So let’s see how you can find a way to blend these two extremes into your life so that you can embrace both your natural, appealing “softness” and your “bitchiness” and still find a sense of peace, calm, strength and emotional softness somewhere in the middle.

What to Say When You Want More From Her
Let’s say you want something from the woman you’re currently seeing. Something like more affection, time or attention, but she’s acting distant and preoccupied.

Let’s say you’re feeling angry and aggravated, and scared that something’s going wrong in the relationship. Are you feeling that if you don’t speak up and ask for what you want you’re “too soft,” and if you do speak up and ask for what you want you’ll end up a “bitch”?

So, this is the first thing you can do:

Make fast, lasting and final peace with yourself that whatever you do or say, you will be okay with yourself, forgive yourself, and learn from the experience.

What this does is sets you up to succeed, and will help you with the fear.
Now we’re going to do a translation kind of “scripting” that will help you to feel stronger and more confident:

  1. Have a pen and notebook ready. Draw a line down the middle from top to bottom.
    2. Breathe deeply into your stomach area. Let go of all your muscles in your stomach and pelvis. Try to relax.
    3. On the paper, on the left side of the middle line, write down what you WANT to say to a woman. Take as many pieces of paper as you need, but stick to the left side of the paper.
    4. Now, look for criticism. Take a look at what you’ve written. I want you to
    catch yourself criticizing or judging yourself about every line, and catch whatever feeling each line brings up in you— anger, frustration, fear, a smile, whatever.
    5. Now really go for it. Some of what you’ve written will seem soft and doormat-like to you, and some of it will seem dramatic and bitchy to you. That’s good. Let it be “emotional.” If you want to attack, attack. If you want to “whine,” whine. Write down what you want to say about how you feel about each line you’ve already written! Notice if you’ve tried to be “logical.” If what you’ve written seems very “mind over heart-like” or there’s a lot of “explaining” or “convincing” or “telling” in there, really open up. Continue writing until you feel like you’ve said everything you really want to say.
    6. Translate. You’re going to take the criticism, the attack, the pain, the complaint, the explanations, and you’re going to translate them into “feeling” messages that will make up the “script” you’ll “deliver” to your special woman.

The simple act of writing this down will make it clear to you how you think, and how you normally, instinctively express yourself. And you’ll immediately see exactly why that isn’t working for you! As you actually speak the words of the script you’ve created from the “feeling” messages you’ve written on the right side of your paper, you’ll see right away exactly why and how my method really works!



MIss Kitty

Miss Kitty, a Miami, Fla. native, is a published author, poet and alternative healer. She is the author of the first queer pin up publication “Bombshells And Boi’s”. She writes from the perspective of a retro, old school femme. Visit her online bookstore today and explore her world of lesbian love, dating and marriage.


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Article written by:

Zamara Perri

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She loves black love and loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

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