Money is one of the biggest causes of relationship stress. It is even one of the top causes of divorce. So you can only imagine how difficult it is to be in a relationship with a partner who is always taking and never giving.
When we asked followers of our Facebook page, about their experiences lending or giving money to their girlfriends, now exes, many said they are filled with regret. Some said they felt used, while others said they felt financially victimized.
“No one goes into a relationship thinking that their time, energy, and money will be wasted,” Shane said. “At the time you think your relationship is fine and giving money to your significant other is the norm. I regret [giving my ex money].”
Janice said, “I don’t just give frivolously. I’m cautious with my heart, money, and all that I have to offer. It’s giving and take, I’m not the only one doing the giving. I try to live with no regrets … I take the lessons learned and keep on moving.”
Renee, on the other hand, recounts the 12 years and four months that she will never get back.
“I knew from the first moment I saw her that she was it and I thought it was mutual,” Renee said. “She helped me get my commission as an officer, and I asked her to join me at my base. We worked hard and built a life together. Over the years I gave or lent her over $30,000. She didn’t pay one cent on the loans, and I didn’t care.
I took damn good care of her. When I say she had it all and would have had it all, I mean that 100 percent. We made enough money to do whatever we wanted, but my ex’s problem was she was too busy worrying about my money, too busy spending my money and stashing hers away.
I think the worse thing is that I honestly trusted her and I was completely wide open. The person I considered my ride or die chick, my best friend, my family … was none of those things to me.”
Jenn said she learned a lesson from her last relationship, “Never again fucking with a broke woman or one who don’t pay her bills. She took full advantage of the situation. I should have seen all the red flags, but was so in love I was blind.”
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Romina said, “All my exes used me. I gave them all money, and to be honest, I don’t care. Money comes and goes. It’s nothing to beat yourself up over. I’ve paid rent, mortgage, car notes, gas. It is what it is, a casualty of war.”
Winnie added, “I’m a giver and as stated no one goes into a relationship thinking about being used, but again God will get vengeance for me.”
Nick said, “I don’t regret giving to them. I am a generous person. However, those experiences have taught me to be more conservative.”
Alesia said, “I was young and dumb, and didn’t know her needing money early on was a red flag. She never came out of pocket but always wanted to do something expensive. I definitely know better now, and I am no longer liberal with my money.”
Gabrielle said, when it comes to money, she does not gamble. “I’ve seen my friends (femmes) being financially played (by femmes) I am not about that!”
Cine says, “I’m not going to let my partner struggle. So if I have the means, I’ll give or find a way to make a way. It’s only a regret when you find out your kindness and generosity were being used and that the person wouldn’t do the same for you.”
Da’Vida said she helped her ex out because she had kids. “I will never deny a child.”