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Is it Too Soon to Get Her a Gift & Other Christmas Conundrums

Figuring out Christmas gifts can be especially stressful when in a new relationship. Image courtesy of thegriot.com

Figuring out Christmas gifts can be especially stressful when in a new relationship. Image courtesy of thegriot.com

For some gay people Christmas is not the most wonderful time of the year. For those us coming out for the first time or bringing our partners to meet our very conservative families for the first time, the holidays are the very definition of torture. Seriously. I really don’t think the holidays were created to celebrate Jesus, Kwanzaa or the Winter Solstice. I think they were created just to make everyone in your family exceedingly uncomfortable and to sell stuff.

These two ideas have been on my mind this holiday season. My sweetie and I have a similar approach to Christmas and holidays of all kinds. We are really low maintenance and don’t really need a holiday to get each other gifts. We had a very brief conversation about Christmas gifts, it went like this:

Me: Do you want to exchange Christmas gifts?

She: No.

Me: Okay. I got you a gift. It’s not a Christmas gift so I won’t give it to you on Christmas. You don’t have to get me one in return.

She: Okay.

In previous relationships, the gift conversation has always been a bit of a stressor for me. For some people the way you show love is by buying a big, flashy gift on certain occasions. My sweetie and I are just not really into gifts. We don’t expect them from other people and tend to buy gifts when the mood strikes, not when the calendar dictates. It helps that it doesn’t take much to please us—we mostly get excited about attention and affection. And that’s pretty much all we need from each other.

The first gift I ever got from her was on our first date, which just so happen to be on my birthday. It was a collection of really nice hair products—very thoughtful and needed for a natural girl like myself. Three months later, we continue to pay attention to each other and surprise each other with nice little gifts. When she mentioned that her favorite flowers were orchids, I surprised her with a plant. When I complained about my skin breaking out, she surprised me with some nice skin care products. When she mentioned that she loved candy canes, I surprised her with a box. When I mentioned needing a new air filter in my car, she offered to take care of it for me. These little things all add up to why I adore her so much.

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Article written by:

Zamara Perri

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She loves black love and loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

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  1. Avatar
    Withlove, Tania

    I havent faced this problem yet. My mom is def coming around since her meeting my gf but i simply make too many rounds on christmas to really bring anyone. Plus ive never been inclined to have my gfs around my family (even if it wasnt a big deal to begin with). New years eve ill spend with my bff and then join my gf at her bffs after the ball drops.

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