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Is She Your Hersband, Studsband, Partner or Wife?

There are so many adorable terms to call your wife. As long as they are filled with love, who cares?

There are so many adorable terms to call your wife. As long as they are filled with love, who cares?

You married her. Yay! You’re in love. Double yay! She’s your boo, your sweetie, your everything, your life! But those are just pet names. When you meet someone for the first time, how do you introduce them to your other half? For serious relationships, most lesbians just go with the term “partner.” But what do you call her when you’ve officially exchanged vows and become married?

For most studs it’s easy to call her femme partner, “wife.” But what about the women considered to be more masculine of center, dominant or studs? I loved Audrey and Gail’s video on Youtube. Clearly, Audrey who is more feminine, loves to call her more masculine partner, “wife,” while Gail calls her feminine beloved her “life partner.”

But not everyone likes the term “wife.” I’ve seen femmes call their wives, “hersband” or “studsband.” Or when it comes to weddings, some have also used the terms “bride and broom” or “Mr. and Mrs. Married Name.”

When Anna and Nakiema got married this summer, we shared their wedding photos. Ana, a femme, told me she called her beloved, “husband.” I was taken aback and asked her to explain.

“We kept all of the regular wedding traditions except for the ‘speak now or forever hold your peace’ part.  [She] and I decided in our minds that we had no problem with [messing up] of our pretty outfits if someone thought they had an objection! Lol.”

Ana and Nakiema married this summer.

“I don’t actually look at it as a gendered term,” She said. “We don’t expect others to approve nor understand, but it works for us as a family. Nakiema doesn’t mind it at all … In public I refer to her as my ‘wife’ because it’s easier that way, but in our home she is my husband, and it is very comforting to me to know that I have a husband and a wife in one person.”

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Article written by:

Zamara Perri

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She loves black love and loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

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  1. Avatar
    Dr. Venus Opal Reese

    This is such an AWESOME article!!! And the video was soooooo inspiring! I call my stinky, Lisa, my “wife.” She calls me her love. When she introduces me, she calls me wife as well. At home she calls me “daddy” because I provide. I call her my “pretty papi.” Thanks for letting us know we are not alone. We have also wedding photos too! Let us know if you want to feature them!

    Dr. Venus

  2. Avatar

    We are both Lady Husbands. Some years ago my nephew referred to my now fiance as my “Lady Husband” it stuck! We,our friends and family call us that now.

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