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About Our Love

About Our Love: Dameka & Destiny Have an Old Fashioned Love

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Destiny holds her wife’s face.

 

Written by Destiny and Dameka Robey

Who knew you could meet the love of your life at a gay pride event? When we met at Tampa Gay Pride back in early 2010, we had no plans to build a life together. We saw each other a couple of times, but neither of us expected anything.

On April 9, 2016, we got married for the second time.

When we first met, Dameka was in a relationship and we were in two different places. Months later, Dameka accidentally texted Destiny and we genuinely became best friends.

Destiny’s relationship ended a few months later as we started to become friends and realized our friendship was becoming so much more than we originally planned.

We were friends, so after the first time Destiny “asked me out” back in November 2010, we were seeing each other every weekend. (At the time, we lived about an hour away from each other).

 

I Told My Mother She Was The One

One day I was at my mother’s house and realized that Destiny would just be there for me no matter what. That’s when I knew I was in love with her. I felt like everything was unconditional. She just made me feel like she would be there for me no matter what was going on and no matter what time it was. Nothing was too much for her and my heart felt different for her.

Other women always made me feel like they wanted me and were attracted to me but Destiny always made me feel she was more interested in exploring my mind and heart. That day was the day I told my mother she was the one I was going to marry.

I knew I was in love with Dameka and wanted to be with her, when I couldn’t be her friend anymore. My feelings for her as friend started to become more than just friends. I wanted to be her priority so I would get mad when I didn’t talk to her all day.

She was the first woman that I actually built a platonic friendship with and I wanted to be more. I knew that I never ever ever want to lose that. So I knew I had to tell her how I felt. Just so happens, she felt the same way. Even now that we’re married, she is my best friend and we do everything like best friends.

 

Marriage is More Than a Piece of Paper

  • black lesbian couple wedding
    Destiny holds her wife's face.

Marriage for us is more than just a piece of paper. It is a solid example of commitment for our child. We didn’t always want to be “just girlfriends” in his eyes. Especially for him being a young, black man. One day he might find someone he wants to commit to and we wanted to be an example of what the “true definition” of commitment is.

The first time we got married, Destiny was interning for Equality Florida, an LGBT organization.

We saw what happened in California with voters overturning legal, same-sex marriage, so when same-sex marriage was legalized in Florida, we wanted the security of being married.

We don’t consider it our wedding day. We’re both very expressive people, so we wanted an extravagant wedding. So, that’s exactly what we did. We hired a planner, rented a venue and did everything engaged people do to plan a wedding.

Our wedding day was beautiful and signified everything we have worked so hard to build. Now our son can say he saw his mommies get married.

 

Age Ain’t Nothing But a Number

One of the challenges we had is that there is an eight-year difference in age. Plus I (Dameka) was primarily raised by my grandparents and I had a very “old-fashioned” standard of living.

At the time I (Destiny) was 21 and wasn’t ready for a real commitment. It was hard, frustrating and difficult at times, but we were friends and THAT foundation kept us together. We had many tears but we were both in it 100 percent together. We stuck together knowing that NOTHING worth having is always easy.

What keeps us together is our friendship and unconditional love for each other. We have a solid, “old-fashioned” type of love.

We don’t let our pride get in the way of our true feelings.

The fact that we have a 9-year-old that is a sponge taking in everything we do and say, makes us want to be better and an example for him.


Dameka (35) and Destiny (27) are living, loving and raising their son in Brandon, Florida

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Article written by:

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She is a proud u-hauler who loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking for her awesome partner and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

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