Written by Zamara Perri
Last fall I met the woman who would eventually become my sweetheart and partner. From the very beginning, she made it clear that food was one of her top three pleasures in life. It turns out that enjoying a good home-cooked meal is one of the passions we share and so it is not surprising that food has been central to our relationship. In fact, knowing how to cook played a big part in me stealing her heart.
Food was the whole reason we even met! We met September 19, 2014 at a friend’s housewarming party. I had no interest in going to this party, because I already made plans to go to Wholefoods, cook and watch a movie. However, at the last minute my friend convinced me to drive all the way to Baltimore on a Friday night.
How did she convince a homebody like myself to leave the house? My friend, who is a phenomenal cook, promised me a homemade vegetarian meal. I’m picky about who I eat from, but my friend is a great cook.
I didn’t even try to look cute. I showed up at the party wearing a little gray dress and flip flops. It was a little like something out of a movie. I saw this woman across the room who I thought was a cutie pie. She had come straight from the gym and was wearing a white T-shirt and black sweatpants. (I later found out that she really didn’t cook much and came for the free food.)
She claims she asked me to dance. I don’t remember that. We exchanged numbers through our mutual friend and 11 days later went on our first date to a vegan restaurant. She ordered the Pad Thai and I ordered ravioli. We talked for about three hours at the restaurant.
The second date was a Scandal watch party at the same friend’s house. Again there was food. Our next few dates were in the café section of a Wegman’s grocery store.
Even though she really doesn’t cook well (and I’m not exaggerating she almost burned the house down TWICE trying to boil an egg), she cooked for me on one of our first dates at her house. She was so cute dancing around the kitchen preparing a stir fry with every vegetable known to man.
I am one of those people who had an extensive Pinterest page filled with recipes that I knew I was never going to cook. But when my honey came around, I was inspired to start actually try those recipes. I kind of had to. When we first started dating, she ate rice, chicken and vegetables every day because that was all she knew how to cook. I felt a little sorry for her and at the same time wanted to liven up her food repertoire.
Because it was getting cold outside and we were both homebodies, we cooked a lot, cuddled a lot and talked a lot. It didn’t seem to matter what I cooked; she would clean the plate, then look at me and joke, “That was soo disgusting!” And we’d both laugh. We even had a deal, I cooked and she washed the dishes.
Food is Love
Our mutual friend was surprised to find out how much cooking I was doing. When I asked myself why I was doing this, I realized that I cooked for her because it felt good knowing she was so appreciative of my efforts.
In our deeper conversations, we’ve also admitted that the nurturing aspect is one of the most attractive things about having a partner who cooks. Both of us grew up in unstable homes, so cooking for her brought out my nurturing side and made her feel loved.
In the space of one year, we met, fell in love, moved in together and are building a life together. At the heart of all that bonding and planning, are omelets, grilled cheese sandwiches, waffles, salads, fish tacos, nachos, stuffed chicken breasts, pastas, lasagnas, hotdogs, chilies, home made pizzas, black bean soups and numerous other delicious meals. Just the other night we enjoyed roasted corn chowder and pepper soup, a kale salad with avocado dressing and a Gouda and raspberry jam Panini! It was so good!
And over the past year, my honey has learned to “cook” a bit more. She makes the best green smoothies and pretty good oatmeal. I still prepare 95 percent of our meals.
The old saying is really true: The way to a woman’s heart is through her stomach!
We are starting a new section of the website focused on sharing black lesbian stories of food and love. Please email us a photo of you and your partner/wife/date/cuddle buddy/crush and photos of your favorite meals! Share the recipe and tell us why this is your favorite meal. Singles can get in on the action too! Show us your go-to “lock her down” recipes 🙂