Celebrating black lesbian love and relationships!

Dating Diaries: The Importance of Meeting Her Family and Friends Right Away

It can be intimidating meeting your girlfriend's friends.

It can be intimidating meeting your girlfriend’s friends.

When people start dating, they generally don’t get to meet the family right away. After all, the thinking is, you should only introduce your new girlfriend to family and friends if you are in a serious relationship. I agree because I don’t generally feel comfortable meeting friends and family unless I know where things are going for us. I can’t remember how far we were into my last relationship before I met my ex’s friends, but I remember feeling a bit awkward. Why? Because meeting the friends and/or family is a major deal. Even if they are really nice, you know they are judging you. Even if your girlfriend doesn’t put much weight on what her friends think, you know they will counsel her regardless, because they love her and want the best for her.

Exactly one month ago, I met an amazing woman, we’ll just call her S and I’ve already met her family. I have my outgoing moments, so I can generally win people over. Even so I will stress and put off the meeting for as long as possible.

In this particular case with S, I had no control over when I would first meet her family and friends. She belongs to a very close-knit group of friends who are, for all intents and purposes, her family. The night we met, most of her family was already in attendance. I attended the party reluctantly because a close mutual friend invited me.

When S and I locked eyes that night, I didn’t think we’d end up spending any significant time together. About 10 days later, we went on our first date. The first date was okay. We had great conversation and mild attraction. It wasn’t until S asked for a quick meet up between her work and martial arts training, that things started to heat up. She worked and trained very close to my apartment so meeting her in the evenings became our thing.

Why I Caved

One of the things I admire about S is how open and free she is with her feelings. While I’m very private about everything, including who I’m dating, she is not!

Her friends noticed how happy and excited she was about our budding relationship. This meant they wanted to know who she was suddenly spending all this time with. Normally I would try to stall for as long as possible, but something inside me decided to stop being so controlling.

A couple weeks into our dating (at that time we weren’t even calling it dating), I accepted her invitation to watch “Scandal” with her and her friends. Meeting the friends wasn’t as hard as I thought, partly because we already shared a close mutual friend, and partly because we were so engrossed in the show. After the show, we sat in the backyard around the fire pit and chatted. Was it awkward at times? Yes, but it wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be.

On Saturday she stopped by my house and had a friend in tow who wanted to meet me. I was hot and sweaty after a run and was not looking my best. Fortunately I was in the shower and missed that friend.

Facebook Comments

Article written by:

Zamara Perri

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She loves black love and loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

Join the discussion

  1. Avatar

    Well am not sure where to start my story.I was told to give my love story here.ok I am a 20 year old lesbian living in jamaica,I have always loved girls since high school but didn’t get the chance to express this.I then met a guy who introduced me to a gilr of whom he told me was his friend.I was curious about knowing this girl a bit more than social,so we hend up having intercourse and it was more than I could actually have imagined it would have been.we didn’t have a relationship because she had a girlfriend so am guessing that was just sex.after leaving high school I never got the chance to meet another female until about a year ago I met a very beautiful black princess.I fell inlove with her but she was pregnant and I loved her even more for this because I love babies.we started off socially and then it got intimate and trust me the sex was awesome but then after she had baby its as if everything changed,she didn’t have any interest in me anymore.I feel so lost and lonely.I still love her and her beautiful 5 months old daughter.am currently single and need some love but love takes tine for twrts to intertwine,when the beats combine then u can tell its time”.that’s my story thanks for letting me share it muahz.

    • Love Lab Editor
      Love Lab Editor

      Thanks for sharing your story! I’m sorry to hear your relationships didn’t work out. You are correct that love takes time. My only suggestion right now may not be what you want to hear, but take time to work on loving you. Work on taking care of yourself and meeting your own needs. The right one will come eventually, but in the mean time I believe you need to BE the right one.

  2. Avatar
    Withlove, Tania

    So, I never shared my thoughts on this. I dated my girlfriend for about 5 months before we decided to make it official. And we moved at a slow enough pace for us both. I’ve met her friends. Reluctantly. I am not a huge people person and I just don’t like to be bombarded by friends. She’s been pressuring me recently to meet her family and friends. And I really only want to do that when we are EXTEMELY serious. And at this point we’ve been together for about 9 months all together now (not a long time) and I still haven’t meet her family. She’s offered and I say no every single time ?. This did give me perspective because you can tell a lot by the people one surrounds themself with. But, I’m still reluctant. The woman I briefly dates before her was very adamant I meet her family and I did (thanksgiving) and by Christmas we weren’t even seriously dating as we had been a month before hand. So embarrassing!

    • Love Lab Editor
      Love Lab Editor

      There’s no need to be embarrassed. Shame is a really powerful emotion. It can stunt us in so many ways and keep us from so many things. We are human beings. We are meant to try and sometimes you fail. So the relationship, didn’t work out, so what? At least you got to meet some new people and they got to meet awesome you! No need to be embarrassed at all. Now that I think about it, the only people I’d be cautious about meeting are a partner’s children. They get attached way too quickly and I wouldn’t want to cause confusion or hurt.

      • Avatar
        Withlove, Tania

        I agree. I became atrached to my ex of 5 years family and i adored them. And the bad part is my ex is my best friend’s cousin so i cant even enjoy my bffs family because they are the same. And i hate that the most.

  3. Pingback: Dating Diaries: Four Ways to Stop Sabotaging Your Relationship | Black Lesbian Love Lab

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: