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Kay kisses her princess charming on their wedding day.
About Our Love

What Happens When An Officer and a Veteran “Move Too Fast” While Deployed in the Desert?

Written by Kay

Our love story is for the folks who like to say couples are moving too soon! I met my wife, Dee, 4 and a half years ago in a foreign country on a deployment. She was an American soldier, and I was a veteran working overseas as a contractor. As most contractors working overseas, I had a 7-days-a-week 12-hours-a-day schedule.

After falling into my routine, I found myself bored and looking for entertainment. At the time it was an 8-hour time difference between where we were and the states. Being frequently bored, I found entertainment in a Facebook lesbian forum. I would read, comment and share advice for anonymous posts. I would comment a lot and eventually made some online buddies to talk and laugh with.  A few months after befriending someone, she inboxed me asking if I would check on her deployed friend.

She told me her friend was in the same location as I was. She mentioned that she had not heard from her friend and was worried. We communicated for a few months, so I thought she was pretty cool. I asked her what her friend’s name was. She quickly mentioned a high military rank followed by a name.

I immediately didn’t want to follow through with the request. So I ignored it. A month went by, and she asked again. At this point, I felt guilty and liked her as my online friend, so I decided to contact her friend via email.

First Contact

Kay and Dee chill outdoors.

Kay and Dee chill outdoors.

The next day I drafted an email to her friend that was professional. I said, “Ma’am, you and I have a mutual friend named… and she asked me to check in on you since she was worried. I mean no disrespect, but I’m only helping a friend in need.”

She replied, “Really? I just spoke with her the other day. Everything seemed fine when I spoke with her.” I replied that I apologized for bothering her and I hope that she had a good day. Her last reply said, it was no bother and if I ever wanted to have lunch, let her know, and she would be more than happy to spend the time with me.

At this point, I felt like I was on someone’s candid camera. I was overseas with the same routine and felt I needed a change, so I accepted the offer for lunch. What else did I have to do besides working my 12-hour shift?

I borrowed the company van to drive out to the local lunch spot and had lunch with her. I got there first and stood in line to get my food since my lunch break was short. After 15 minutes I saw this short woman walk up and I noticed her name tag.

I was nervous, but I bravely said, “You’re late!” I didn’t want her to think that because she was a high ranking military officer, that I had all day to wait on her.

Initially, she wasn’t the typical person I dated. I just noticed she was cute, short and a little older than me. I have always dated fems, and she was the first masculine identifying woman I had ever dated. I will admit I was intrigued. We sat down for lunch, and the whole time we couldn’t stop laughing. My cheeks were hurting.

After our first meeting, she invited me to lunch again. I believe we went out to lunch every day after that for about a month. Each time I could sense she liked me, but I was still unsure. She wasn’t my norm. I found out she was 12 years older and it made me question our compatibility even as just friends.

Everything Changed Over Dinner

Multiple pics of Kay and Dee cuddling.

Kay and Dee get their cuddle on.

After about a month, she couldn’t have lunch with me and asked if I were available for dinner. Of course, I said yes, she was my new distraction in an awful place. For some reason even though we had lunch lots of times, having dinner with her was a turning point for me. I saw her differently. Instead of cute, she was sexy. I noticed her eyes, soft voice, and beautiful smile. Was I actually liking her back? I was curious to know what was underneath that uniform.

I had been deployed for a couple of years, and this was the first sexual desire I had. I was a workaholic, and I paid no one any attention. After dinner, I dropped her off to her living area and offered our next meeting to be over a movie in my room.

The next day she came to my room smelling amazing! She was the best thing I had smelled in a long time. She smelled like fabric softener. Being in a place that was famously compared to a “poop pond,” I learned to appreciate the finer smells in life.

Needless to say, we didn’t finish the movie and was doing it like rabbits the whole night! The next day I was extra bubbly at work. I felt like skipping. I have had my share of sexual encounters, but this was by far the best experience I had ever had. It was as if I had smelled the scent of a woman for the first time.

I am well in my 30s, and I had never waited 30 days to be intimate with someone. My old philosophy was if a woman and I haven’t had sex in two weeks, then we might as well call ourselves sisters.

Each day after that we made love. I have had sex, but we made love! It was like she took a piece of my soul. I’m not the mushy emotional type, but this woman had me open like a jar of Vicks!


My Gentlewoman

Kay and Dee smile at the camera wearing black and red

Kay says Dee is her rock and hero!

A few days later she asked me to be her girlfriend. I had never had anyone ask before. It’s always been a situation I ended up in.  She was very chivalrous, which is a quality I had never experienced before. I would always call her my gentlewoman.

A few days later it was time for my routine vacation back to the states. When I got to the states, I stayed with my mother, and she sent me a bouquet of calla lilies to my mom’s house. While we were overseas, we would email as if we were texting and she would send me a picture of flowers every day. To receive a real bouquet calla lilies meant the world to me.

We were seriously talking over the phone the whole two weeks I was gone. While I was gone, I got a tattoo with both our birthdays and zodiac signs. Everything in my mind, body, and soul was drawing me closer to her.

She Got Down on One Knee

When I returned overseas, a  few days later she came to my room, got down on one knee and proposed! I said yes!

The proposal was completely unexpected. At this point, my crazy insecurities started to consume me. I couldn’t believe my fairytale ending. I was sabotaging my happiness because I didn’t believe it was real. After coming to terms that she loved me, and this was real, we found out that she was redeploying back to the states permanently.

I was willing to try the long distance thing, but she told me that she wanted me in the states with her. She wanted us to start our lives together now and not later. I was hesitant because this was the best job I had ever had. This job that paid me 6 excellent figures and was important to my plan of a better life.

I wasn’t ready to give that up. I still had more things to accomplish. She gave me an ultimatum and said that if I didn’t leave to come to the states, she would come back and get me! I was like DAMN… she really wants me.

I  have never felt so valuable to anyone before. She even tried to get a different assignment to stay longer overseas with me. Before she left, I let her read my letter of resignation. While she was gone, we skyped all kinds dirty things to each other.  Twenty days after she left, I left my job and joined my fiancée.

Our Happily Ever After

kay and dee look at the camera wearing black hoodies.

Kay and Dee rock says they are still extremely happy after uhauling it across the world.

I met up with her in Kentucky, and we lived in a hotel for a few months until her next duty station. We drove to South Carolina and stayed in more hotels. I believe we stayed in hotels for about five months. If you ever want to get to know someone and ALL their habits, staying in a hotel room for five months will do it.

After moving to South Carolina, we bought a house together in April of 2013 and got married in New York on June 21, 2013.

Fast forward four years after marriage and we are on our second purchased house together in Virginia. We are still doing all the naughty stuff we want to each other cuz we is married na! We are each other’s mind, body, and soul and can’t nothing come between our dynamic team!

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Article written by:

Zamara Perri

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She loves black love and loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

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  1. Avatar
    Shawnie Best

    This is absolutely beautiful!!! Sometimes you have to take those big leaps to realize your destiny!! Love it!!

  2. Avatar
    Lady J"

    Congratulations, I love your story and im still praying for my Mrs. RIGHT someone that that just want to be with me WITHOUT THE GAMES, and I will PICK UP AND RELOCATED for the RIGHT ONE..

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