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Health & Spirituality

Sappho’s Salon: Should You Masturbate Alone When You Have a Bae?

The answer is yes. But in case you need permission or a special reason to play with yourself by yourself, science has come to your rescue. There are multiple studies proving that masturbation is not only a great stress reliever, but it’s also great for you health.

A few months ago we had a great discussion asking black lesbians what’s the point of masturbating if you already have a partner. In honor of National Masturbation Month, here is a recap that conversation:

Charmane says before she got married and was single, she valued her alone time.  Now that she’s married that has not changed! She and her wife make time to masturbate separately. She says, “For me it’s something I enjoy and not a substitute for sex with my wife. At times I don’t feel like worrying about another’s needs or giving attention. I look forward to my private time and see it as part of my self love regimen.”
One woman shared that masturbation was her only outlet for sexual pleasure as her partner did not return her sexual affection.

Is Masturbation Only for Single People?

For some women, like Britney, partner sex is so much better than going it alone. She said, “I don’t do it now that I’m with my wife. I think for me it was something I did when I was single. Nothing against it personally, I just don’t do it now. My wife is pretty amazing.” Brittney did say she was open to watching someone else or her wife play with herself.

Theresa, said she honestly doesn’t masturbate at all. She said, “My wife and I have a healthy sexual appetite and I don’t really have the urge to do that and haven’t since I’ve been with her. She REALLY good in bed and I have no problem telling EVERYONE!”

‪Brandy says, “It’s with my boo, my sexy chocolate queen and sometimes by myself. All I have to do is think about her and just look at the pics she sends me and there it is!”

Temeka is very clear about the purpose of masturbation, “Well that’s one I don’t do at all. My fiancé use to do it while talking to me on the phone but I put a quick end to that. I told her she was wasting all of my nutrition! Lol.”

And for Alexi, masturbating keeps her “faithful and monogamous and it’s great stress reliever.”

 

I Masturbate so I can Teach Her What I Like

dark skin black woman hands over her vagina

Masturbation is a free, harmless stress reliever. Photo by Mike Mogul

For others masturbation by themselves or with their partners helped them learn both learn what turns the other on: Marquis said, “My love wants to know what I need to be pleased.”

And some women like Chanel don’t ever need a reason to enjoy sex in all its forms. She says, “I have always masturbated and loved it – alone, with my boo, being watched (by my boo, not strangers haha,) phone sex, dirty skype – you name, I’ve done it . I’m in an amazing and beautifully sexual relationship right now and it has been incorporated.”
Clearly everyone has an opinion about the purpose of masturbation. But I’m with B.T. Express,  “Go on and do it, do it, do it til you’re satisfied. Whatever it is, do it ‘til you’re satisfied.”

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Article written by:

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She is a proud u-hauler who loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking for her awesome partner and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

Join the discussion

  1. nafula madube

    Iam by names nafula aged 31 years old iam in love with same sex but to my surprise she’s cheating on me with boys and the last time I talked to her she denied .please I love her somuch I just don’t wanna loose her .advice me please

  2. Tania

    I love that this was an article on here! I always feel weird about whether it is right or wrong to do it while in a relationship as well as, doing it alone/ separately without your partners knowledge. For my case: my love and I have been dating for 6 years. in the beginning she and I were not living together so there was phone sex, and lots of separate masturbation strictly because we missed each other. When we started living together a short time after, the sex happened often but we started having problems otherwise & those problems tainted the physical intimacy in our relationship. While sex wasn’t the initial problem it later became one. I thought the best solution would be polyamory- adding an additional partner to our relationship solely for my pleasure- and to meet my sexual needs. Pushing for polyamory nearly destroyed my relationship 3times so 6 years later, sex isn’t a huge importance to my love so I take to masterbating as often as I want whenever I get my alone time. I don’t tell her this this what I do when I am alone, it probably wouldn’t upset it. However, it feels wrong -sort of like cheating since it’s done in secret. Another factor for sex not being on the top of my loves list of priorities is the fact that she was molested as a child and out of respect for her I no longer force the issue or physical intimate loneliness in my relationship. I’ve grown to respect and accept it and her and us for how we are.

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