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Six Reasons Why I ONLY Date Other Black Lesbians

Written by Ava I. King

I get this question all the time: Why ONLY limit yourself to black women? It’s a legit question, I guess. And I will attempt to explain my reasoning. You may get it and you may not. But you’ll have to respect it. Or not. Don’t really care. Point blank.

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1. First of all—I AM a black woman so there is a knowingness, a familiarity there. I don’t have to explain some basic things about why I think like I do. Most black women instinctively know why. There is a shared consciousness. A shared experience. A shared history that binds us. No matter our sexuality. No matter our class. No matter our education. No matter what part of the world we grew up in. Of course, there are exceptions. But for the most part, it’s there, it’s unspoken and it’s understood.

CLICK below to see the other 5 reasons I love black women.

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Article written by:

Zamara Perri

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She loves black love and loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

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  1. Javon Monet

    Yes! ? I feel the same way.

    • Mau Mau (@mau_mau9999)

      Awww…I’m glad to know somebody else believes in black love. I wrote this piece incognegro. Thanks Blacklesbianlovelab for printing it. Black women, you are loved. Though the world tries to reduce you to simple body parts and negritude. May you all find the love you deserve! Peace!

  2. Sunshine Sullivan

    This is beautiful. Wake up my sistars. We are the original

  3. Shannon Barber

    Totally late to this party, but just stumbled across this wonderful blog. I totally respect your reasons for dating only other black women. I wish I could limit myself in that way personally, namely because my deal breakers were carefully chosen through years of ex, and, well, not many black women fall into these categories. I am a hardline atheist, and relationships with religious women have been disastrous. I tried it 7 times. Doesn’t compute. They keep disrespecting the fact that I’ve had a long and hard road to get to where I am there, and that is a non-negotiable subject. I am also adamantly childfree. I don’t want kids, and I don’t want to be a party to raising anyone else’s. I’m also WAY out of the closet, and most of the black women I know are closeted. You get the picture. I am also non-monogamous (though I do not completely rule out monogamy for the right woman).

    On the other side of that, your first reason is the reason I’d rather date other lesbians rather than bisexual or pansexual or otherwise non-monosexual women. While I do not rule out non-monosexual woman (again, don’t want an unnecessary limitation), there is simply a different life experience there. It has been my experience that most of them have a long line of men in their relationship histories, with only a few or no women. They have a hard time relinquishing the straight/passing/whatever you want to call it privilege that comes with being coupled in an opposite sex relationship. I’ve had 3 girlfriends bail on me because of this. I know that it’s taboo to say that you’d rather have a lesbian girlfriend, but it’s not — at least in my world — for any sinister or prejudiced reason. It’s just what you said about being with other black lesbians: It’s a shared life narrative and experience.

    It’s unfortunate, though, that I regularly get crucified for that preference, as do many others, as I’m sure you are well aware.

    • anonwolv

      Shannon:

      On your list of deal breakers, I was with you until you got to the closet and the monogamy issues. This is the problem I find with dating black women, actually–their deal breakers eliminate too many people, and I can never get past them. White women, oddly, seem to be more open.

      I am closeted, but it’s not like I’d never come out. It depends on where I see the relationship going. I also don’t understand the point of a relationship or marriage without monogamy.

      I am with you on wanting to only date lesbians, not necessarily for the exact same reasons. But I want someone who takes loving and committing to women as seriously as I do, and I have a hard time taking other orientations seriously when it come to that. Privilege is one reason, yes. But I also don’t need any reason to believe that I might not be enough for someone.

  4. vette

    Do you have any lesbian dating websites

  5. MmmmHmmm

    This article was cute but it missed the damn mark to me. The most important reason to be with another Black person is that they are intimately familiar with the coded language of racism/prejudice that still exists..Ever try to explain a racist supervisor/employer’s actions to a non Black person? They won’t understand and will brand you as being “paranoid”, “reaching” and the like, because they don’t have to deal with it and don’t understand.
    I am attracted to white women but am hesitant to be with one. I know I will have to compromise way too much(Can you imagine listening to Farrakhan with “becky” by your side? lol)

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