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Part 2: The StudSlayer Slams Notion of the “Confused” Gender Queer, Dispels the Myth of the “Touch Me Not” Dom


Kai Brown uses her StudSlayer Tumblr page to challenge our ideas of how things “should” be. Photo by Ashlee Nikole.

In part 1 of my conversation with Kai Brown aka the StudSlayer, the self-professed “king of stud 4 stud (s4s),” we talked about what some in our community would consider her “taboo” relationship with a similarly masculine woman. As we continued the conversation about everything from gender politics to why she participated in a porn flick, it’s clear to see she is unafraid of shattering taboos. Read more below:

Black Lesbian Love Lab (BL3): With prominent news stories about Laverne Cox, Janet Mock and even Jay Kelley (R. Kelley’s child), gender has pretty much taken over the headlines lately. What do you think is missing from the conversation?

Kai: I think COMPASSION and HUMANITY are missing from the general conversation. We are so caught up in the mechanics and biology of gender that we forget no matter what, they are human beings with feelings and desires and needs. The general public doesn’t see Trans people as human but as a medical anomaly and we need to focus back on the human element. I’m tired of the focus being on genitals and sexual proclivities.

BL3: So, who you think is missing from the conversation? How can we make the conversation on gender more inclusive?

Kai: There are MANY capable trans men of color whose voices are NOT heard on the mainstream media platform such as Dr. Kortney Zeigler, Kye Allums, Kai Greene to name a FEW. When trans men are being discussed it’s always Chaz Bono or Buck Angel—white faces. I’ve yet to see any of those brown men on Piers Morgan, Katie Couric or Anderson Cooper’s shows and that needs to change.

BL3: In one story about Jay Kelley (R. Kelly’s child) coming out as transgender, the writer suggests this may be due to his “confusing” family life.

Kai: Jay Kelly is being mentioned ONLY because of his infamous dad, who by the way isn’t even in Jay’s life so I don’t even know why he’s relevant. Jay’s mother, the parent who totally supports him doesn’t even get mentioned, but “chestering” ass R. Kelly is all in the mix. I find it disturbing that the black community is ok with R. Kelly pissing on and molesting teenage girls, but not accepting of and supportive of Jay’s transition.

BL3:What would you say to those who believe gender queers are confused?

Kai: Trans and gender queer people are no more confused than any other person getting to know themselves. Because we don’t understand and mainly don’t want to understand, we vilify them and make them out to be the “confused” ones. Who knows more about you than you? If someone says, “THIS IS WHO I AM,” we need to shut the entire fuck up and not only accept it but respect it.

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Article written by:

Zamara Perri

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She loves black love and loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

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