Being a parent is a tough job for any woman. When you add to it being a lesbian and then a dominant or stud mom, it can make for some interesting comments from strangers. In honor of Mother’s Day, Black Lesbian Love Lab checked in with two tombois raising their sons for their perspectives on dating while parenting. Tiara, who lives in Baltimore, shares her story below:
I do get certain looks when I’m rolling through the mall pushing a stroller with a baby bag strapped across my chest, but I don’t mind. Lol. Either women think it’s cute or they want to know if I actually popped him out. Lol. Why would they think any woman can’t give birth?
I’ve always wanted to be a parent, but have been scared because of the senseless things people do to children. I questioned if I was enough to protect my kid at all costs. My ex and I were at home one day when we got a phone call from a friend saying she knew a girl who was pregnant, didn’t really need another child, but didn’t want to have an abortion. I just realized that I would never know what I was capable of until I tried. So, we talked about it and agreed to adopt him.
I’ve been single for a year. I just haven’t yet found Mrs. Right. The kind of woman I’m seeking is honest, loyal and faithful. I’m looking for someone who I can build a future with and has my back no matter what—right or wrong. And when I’m wrong, she has no problem letting me know.
I think one of the reasons I’m still single is that not all females are accepting of the fact that I have a son.
Nine times out of ten, I have come across women who don’t want to deal with me because they think I have baby mama drama just because I raise my son with an ex. But there is none at all. We get along better now that we aren’t together.
I think I do all right as a co-parent. I try my best to communicate any changes as far as my work schedule. I make sure I’m available for doctors’ appointments. We switch off in terms of having to miss work if he is sick.
And by the way, I think some women do think I expect them to help care for my son, but I don’t expect them do anything for him. He is my child and I take full responsibility for feeding him, nap time, play time, bath time and putting him to bed.
What I really want women looking to date me to understand is that, although I do like to go out, there is a little person that I have to be mindful of. So, I may not always be able to pick up and go when they want me to.
I Love Being a Mom Because
I love the fact that as a parent I have the chance to shape and mold this little person into
the best man he can be, and knowing that no matter how bad my day is, seeing him smile is all it takes to make it better.