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What I Won’t Do for Like

One of my favorite songs is “What You Won’t Do for Love” by Bobby Caldwell. I’ve always found the lyrics inspiring and at the same time horrifying. On one hand, who wouldn’t be inspired by the lyrics of the song?

What you won’t do

Do for love

You tried everything

But you don’t give up

In my world

Only you make me do for love what I would not do

On the other hand, clearly the relationship isn’t working out for the woman Bobby is singing about yet she keeps trying. I’m a romantic at heart. I believe in love. If I didn’t, this blog wouldn’t exist. I tried really hard to make things work in my past relationships when it was clear that sheer willpower alone isn’t enough to make love work. Especially when it is one sided. And honestly sometimes the other person tried and I was too self-centered to see that. In the end, I let go of those relationships because it was ultimately more damaging to remain in unhealthy relationships than to simply let go.

I’m now at a point in my life where I’m trying to be a lot more discerning about the women I let into my space and the kind of woman I am in relationships. When I’m dating someone, I love to be as supportive, understanding and giving as possible. Some people may call that having borderline save-a-ho complex. But I sometimes need to draw the line between being TOO giving and just letting that person find their own way. Especially in the beginning when you are still trying to figure out if the person is worthy of your heart.

Today I’ve decided to draw the line. While there are definitely some things I will do for love there are other things I simply will not do for someone whom I merely like. This distinction is important because I believe not every person you date deserves unfettered access to your time, attention or resources. Today I realized that one of the things I definitely will not do for like OR love is compromise my dreams.

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Article written by:

Zamara Perri

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She loves black love and loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

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  1. Avatar
    Withlove, Tania

    That all seems fair and reasonable. Relationships are give and take! Not “I give and give” and “you take and take”. I have a similar situation. Perhaps I will blog about it to get your opinion as well. ?

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