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Love Stories & Weddings

The Secret to Staying Married

Written by Queenie Gordono
Kingston and Queenie Gordono work daily to keep their relationship strong!

Kingston and Queenie Gordono work daily to keep their relationship strong!

I’m recovering … she is recovering … from a broken heart and from breaking hearts! So many people have this goal TO GET MARRIED. But the hardest part is STAYING MARRIED. When things go wrong, we easily remember the wrong doing but oh my how we forget what made us fall in love. Oh my how we forget the smile that captured us. We don’t realize that the smile no longer exists because we continue to hurt the other person. Oh my how we forget that we were once the “hurter” and not the recipient. I’m learning that in a marriage, the blessing is in the union. It’s in the RESPECT for “HOME.” It’s in how we communicate. How we understand the other person’s language of love. Everyone loves differently. We are learning that once you invite God, no, ALLOW GOD into the union, HE MUST REMAIN to hold it together. Prayer. Consistent prayer. Forgiveness. Understanding.

It’s very easy to walk away. To go seek greener pastures. To have a place you can run to when “home” is all messed up. But you will have to “water the grass” somewhere. Unless you cover your yard with the fake grass, you will always have to work on it to keep it looking nice. It will require work all year round! Keep the LIFE, The LOVE AND THE LAUGHTER IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. Never stop romancing. Never stop dating. When financial woes kick in, trust God. When depression kicks in, trust God. When you feel like you both are changing, trust God that those changes are still for the betterment of the relationship.
WhenIsawYouIFellinLoveYou are still an individual. Know that all of the things that make you two different are the exact same things that make up the miracle of being together. In reality, fantasy love is a moment. You can have those moments. Real love is work and it’s LIFE. Learn your mate. Take the time to truly get to know one another. Trust me, diving in is cute. New love is cute. But it’s the old love I want. The love that has sustained itself through the hurt. The love that has survived the problems that are meant to tear you apart. I want to die old and gray and STILL IN LOVE.

Queenie Gordono and her wife, Kingston, live in Georgia. The two host an LGBT radio show (www.wer1lgbt.com). 

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Article written by:

Zamara Perri

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She loves black love and loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

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    I had that very love you speak of, and it is a beautiful thing, last Saturday would have been our 18th Anniversary, (she passed away jan 26th from cancer),I truly believe we would have remained married until we were both old and gray , so you see , what you want and seek is very possible and can happen if 2 people are willing to put in the time and effort, it’s not a 50/50 relationship, it is a 100/100 relationship, either both people go all in or it fails, and sometimes 1 person carries the relationship when the other can’t for whatever reason, arguments happen, it wouldn’t be a healthy relationship otherwise, the thing is you both have to listen to the other and look at it from their pov , never go to bed angry, always resolve the issue as soon as it arises, always express your love, always keep the romance, always go the extra mile, always go on dates together, be it a night at the movies, dancing or dinner or a simple walk in the park, do the things your partner enjoys, even if you don’t like it, she will do the same for you, keep the spice in your relationship, above all be honest with each other always, maintain solid communication, and genuinely enjoy each others company. you can have it all and so much more, anyone can if they are serious and truly want it and are willing to put in the work.

    • Black Lesbian Love Lab
      Black Lesbian Love Lab

      Wow! Thank you so much for sharing. I love to hear others share their marriage wisdom! I love what you say here ” you can have it all and so much more, anyone can if they are serious and truly want it and are willing to put in the work.”

      I’ve been following your blog and am so heartbroken to hear of the loss of your lovely wife ?

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