Decades ago Tina Turner asked a fundamental question: What’s love got to do with it? And when I talk with women who have fallen in love, I often think of Tina’s question.
Black lesbians, can we be real for a minute? We use the word love as an excuse for a host of bad behaviors and ridiculous situations. Many of these situations are just that–situations that have absolutely nothing to do with love.
Emotional Masturbation Does Not Equal Love
Many of us say we genuinely want love but how can we want love if we don’t know what love means? In my recent Facebook live broadcast, I ask what love is.
To be honest, sometimes we mistake emotional masturbation for love.
When I say that I mean, sometimes we are using someone to get an emotional high and we call that love.
I believe that love requires more than just how the other person makes you feel. I think that love needs us to be more responsible than that.
I believe that because of the love we feel for each other, it requires us to be accountable for how we feel and act.
To me, that means that when we love someone else, we care very much about giving to her and supporting her in a way that causes her to blossom and be her best. But that is just the outcome of good loving, let’s get to the definition!
Merriam Webster says love is “a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person … an attraction that includes sexual desire.”
According to the famous British author Oscar Wilde, “Love is a misunderstanding between two fools.” Ouch.
And check out the Urban Dictionary where there are many definitions of love that range from hilarious to deeply poetic.
Romantic Love Has Three Parts
To me, love is more than a feeling. Why? Feelings change. And if we wake up one day longer feeling the euphoric high of infatuation, then does that mean that we are no longer in love?
Don’t get me wrong, when it comes to love, emotions are essential.
According to psychologist Robert Steinberg, there are three critical components of a healthy romantic relationship: intimacy, passion, and commitment.
The trick is that at any time we could be in a relationship that has one, two or three of these crucial components.
Check out the video hear the discussion and comment below with your ideas or experiences of love.