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Health & Spirituality

When Black Lesbian Couples Confess Their Body Insecurities

Written by Zamara Perri

“The first time I saw her with very little clothes on I was horrified because she was so small and I was so not.”


That was one of the lines in a Buzzfeed video where same-sex couples, including two black lesbians, talked with their partners about some of their body insecurities. The two black lesbian couples featured on the video brought to mind some of my own body issues that I’ve struggled with for about 10 years.


You Really Can’t Share Clothes

I used to believe that when you dated another woman that your closet would double. I forgot to take into account that I preferred to date masculine of center/stud/butch women and that I preferred a more feminine look for myself. I also forget to add in the fact that women come in all sizes including the women I dated over the years.

I’m a curvy woman and I find curvy women very sexy. But for some reason many of the women that are attracted to me, tend to be small. I remember in my younger days rejecting a woman straight up because she was too skinny. Seriously, she was a size 2 or 4 and I was a 12. I just couldn’t get past that.

When I met my honey a couple years ago, she was 130 pounds. And I was not. (Even though I fattened her up, she’s still smaller than me). I thought the difference in our sizes would be a bigger deal, but it turned out not to be. It turns out that despite our difference in sizes, we still found each other irresistibly attractive.


Self Acceptance Meant Accepting Her Too

That may be because I’ve matured a whole lot in my ideas of what my butch partner’s personality needed to be in order to be “truly butch.” I’ve gotten used to and become more accepting of my aggressive side and because of that, become more comfortable with how feminine and petite my butch honey is.


The second black lesbian couple in the video had a more evolved response to differences in body sizes. They noted that they “don’t compare, they celebrate.” They also addressed our tendency to get a bit more fluffy when we are in relationships.


I’m glad to see body image issue discussed in the video. The best part was hearing these two black lesbian couples talk about how they compliment and support each other in their endeavors to be healthy.

Most of us have insecurities, the most beautiful part of being with someone who loves you is that she most likely doesn’t see your imperfections, she only sees your beauty.


Family, what has been your experience dating and loving a woman whose body was different from yours?


Photo by Charlie V: CharlieV.RealHits@Gmail.com; IG: CharlieV_RH  

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Article written by:

Zamara Perri

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She loves black love and loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

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    I can really relate to this post. Myself: more of an aggressive gem almost stem type…my lady: Aggressive stem. I’m pretty fit but very thick with it. Her: very small and petite size with an almost perfect and amazing body. I used to look at her and wonder why someone so beautiful, waist length long natural hair with a flawless body could fall in love with me being so flawed physically. One thing she does consistently is tell me how beautiful I am and how much she loves all of me. It took some time to believe the words she would tell me were genuine but she shows me in plenty of ways.

    • Black Lesbian Love Lab
      Black Lesbian Love Lab

      It sounds like you have a wonderful woman. Happy for you both 🙂

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