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Kendal S. Turner, short hair, turns and smiles
Health & Spirituality

Let Me Make it Clear for Church Folk: Who I Love is Not a Phase

Written by Kendal S. Turner

“Let me make something clear for the people in the back who don’t know me or my history. I have “struggled” for the lack of a better word with my sexuality since I was in kindergarten.

Yes I said kindergarten. However because of “church folk” and society I tried to live up to y’alls standards for as long as I could. I have ALWAYS been attracted to the same sex. ALWAYS. So this is not a phase. I’m not a freak just trying something new. This has been ME. I knew this BEFORE I was molested at 8.

I Knew Who I was Before I was Raped

I knew this BEFORE I was raped. I knew this BEFORE I got married twice trying to “do what’s right” so trust me. I’ve been on a 40 day fast. I’ve been in every prayer line. I know all of the scriptures. I have broken men’s hearts trying to pretend to be sexually attracted to them to the point to where I couldn’t even make love to my own damn husband so don’t come at me with no scripture or what the lord told you to tell me.

Where were you when I was getting hit upside my head and kicked out half naked in a hail storm by a man who claimed to love me? Where were you when my cousins stuck their penises in me before I even know what “hard” meant!

I Knew Who I was When I was Married to a Man

Where were you when I cried in the shower after sleeping with my husband because I felt violated every damn time? Where were you when I tried to commit suicide because I was preaching in churches trying to encourage women to fly like an eagle and I knew I was living a lie.

Not even being my own authentic self but trying to encourage broken women to do so! Huh? I’ll wait….. my sons love me. My son told me Moma you should have done this a long time ago. Now it’s a shame a child has to convince his mother to be who she is because he loves me no matter what.

I Kn0w Who I Am When I Pray to God

You can’t pray a prayer for me that I’ve already prayed. So listen and listen good. I am delivered. I am free. I’m free from you and the manipulation that the church has had over me for years! When I tried to kill myself God himself spoke to ME and said “Kendal there is nothing wrong with you” so believe me when I say, I have no fear of death. I have no fear of where I’m going when I pass.

I know who GOD IS, I talk to him DAILY! So pray for yourself in your unhappy ass marriage. Pray for your kids with they bad ass cause me and my house are just fine. If you don’t like my lifestyle and the fact that I walk, talk and teach love then you can delete yourself. I promise to God I won’t notice”

Kendal S. Turner is an author and poet. Check out her autobiography on her website: kendalsturner.com.

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Article written by:

Zamara Perri

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She loves black love and loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

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    Thank u for your strength and commitment and testimony. Thank you woman of God!! God bless u

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