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Why I Took a Two-Year Break From Relationships

Written by Giselle Bella

shakti-gawain-my-willingness-to-be-intimate-with-my-own-deep-feelings-creates-the-space-for-intimacy-with-anotherI started dating women at 14 years old and … [then] I dated guys from about 16 years old to my mid-twenties. Needless to say, I have never been in love with a man. By the young age of 21, I was complete and aligned with the understanding that I prefer women. Men are an option. Women are an emotional connection.

During my twenties, I was in about three serious relationships, yet had about 10 to 11 different lovers. Okay, okay, I may have had more lovers … as I was polyamorous. You know, multiple loves or lovers? (Notice I said “was,” we will address this later). Oh, that’s right many people have an idea and, of course, a misconception of polyamory. Polyamory is a topic, which may take up a few pages on the site, so I won’t cover it now.

I spent five wonderful years with a partner and had three other lovers and some dates in between. My then partner and I had an agreement. We had an understanding. We had trust.

I broke the trust when she asked me not to sleep with someone specific and yet I did.

Even though she was aware, I still broke that trust and that was what set in motion my sabbatical. Others had broken my trust numerous times, but I had never been the one to cause pain. So, I yearned to find out what was happening to me and why.

Reconnecting With the Divine

After a five-year relationship and many lovers, I needed a break. Or so I thought. What I needed was more than a break from relationships; I needed to reconnect with my higher self and of course, The Divine. Not that I was on a destructive path, but I needed to connect on a deeper lever spiritually and with my Spirit Guides and ancestors and of course Mother God.

Most importantly, I needed to support myself in self love and overcome my issues of abandonment and mother-daughter issues. So, I sought a spiritual life coach. I chose Coach Maq Elé who suggested I go on a two- to three-year sabbatical. I chose to go on a two-year sabbatical.

During this time, I was in constant growth and working toward my spiritual self and of course this supported me physiologically. In being able to have spiritual intimacy, I was able to overcome fears, release expectations and, most importantly, love all people as God wants me to while loving myself.

During my sabbatical, my relationships with friends and families changed. However, they changed as I did for the greater good. The beautiful thing is that all my friends and family signed up (spiritually) to be on this journey with me.

What I mean is— everyone seemed to have started the journey of spiritual intimacy along the same time. I think that was our soul contract. My sisters and I began to talk about love of the Universe Divine God and other like things. My friends were often in the same spiritual workshop or mental environment as I.

The most outstanding thing about the sabbatical was the support, which poured in from my friends.

At no time was anyone questioning my faith, belief and work, but rather I received cheers and support. I believe we are well on a path to change our world by simply starting with ourselves intimately and spiritually.

What My Sabbatical Looked Like

Nobody-can-go-back-and-start-a-new-beginning-but-anyone-can-start-today-and-make-a-new-endingRemember I said I would revisit the poly situation? Well here it is. While on the sabbatical, my coach requested that when I date, I try dating for the purpose of being with one person at a time. For me that was the most difficult aspect of it. It was giving up something, which I saw as part of me only because I had not loved anything different or loved differently.

I loved being in poly relationships because it suited my lifestyle and my deepest fear. If one left, I had someone there and no one was being lied to. While I may still have some sort of polyamorous thoughts and ways, I am trying to work toward being involved with one person at a time.

If I ever feel that a monogamous life is not meant for me, then I can say I am aligned with my orientation for certain.

Being poly does not mean I am not a good person or spiritual, I can be whomever I want to be, just as long as I am aligned with living for the greater good of self and all those involved. I am going along with what my coach has suggested, mostly because it serves me in growing and learning myself. It serves me in accepting my changes as they come. It serves me in living through my vision and more.

What My Dating Life Looks Like Now

The sabbatical allowed me to reconnect with my inner self and embrace my love for people and innate desire to support all persons around me through service. When I was a teenager, I spent many summers and weekends volunteering and doing great work in my community.

During the years I was involved in relationships, I had not identified that I put much of myself and time into those relationships. Not to say I neglected myself, but I neglected my passion. So the things that I did then were a combination of what I wanted and what my partners wanted. In other words, I compromised. Now I do not (I do for minute, non-life changing things).

I do not compromise neither on my spiritual life nor my life’s vision. Now I interrelate. I connect with deeper self and with the person I choose to be involved with. I connect via similar beliefs and standards and of course in regards to boundaries as well. I now choose to connect with someone I do not have to give up something for but rather someone I can grow with.

The preeminent experience, which came out of the time off while in spiritual enlightenment, was meeting and relating to people who understood what I wanted to achieve. Also, knowing that while I am doing the work and cleaning up my crap, that the person whom I can spend the rest of my life with in harmony is also doing the work.

The sabbatical allowed me to see through me and bring out the best and understand how I contributed to failed past relationships even at the times when I did my best as I knew. I am paralleled with identifying why I attract people to me, meaning whoever is in my space is there because I want her there. As outlandish as that may seem, spirituality has opened the doorway for me to comprehend how this happens.

Would I Recommend This to Others?

I owe this extraordinary awareness to my superlative Coach Maq Elé and; by this I would absolutely recommend that others take a sabbatical during a time when spiritual work is also being done to support them.

As my sabbatical has ended, I have come to learn that taking time off is simply inadequate but taking off to do the self work is propitious, especially when done in spiritual enlightenment.

Because of this sabbatical, which I did while walking in enlightenment, I am connected to my inner joy and life in a constant state of happiness. I am always grateful and therefore share it with others. I am more sympathetic that people are more than what I see and the soul is also present and a deeper lesson is what we each are here to learn.

I now live in my vision and with a driven fervor of my purpose.

I am clear that we each love differently just as long as it is for the greater good. Because of a sabbatical in spiritual intimacy, I am more deeply connected to my Creator. This provides me a profound peace and awareness, which I lacked before. What I desire is out there and the person I am to have this with is on the way with the same thought. Now I am on the right track to a beautiful and ebullient relationship!


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Article written by:

Giselle Bella

Giselle “Gia” Bella is a 30-something woman living in Baltimore. As The Love Goddess for Black Lesbian Love Lab, she happily shares her ideas for finding and keeping your lady love.

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  1. Pingback: Why I Took a Two-Year Sabbatical From Poly Dating | Claudia Moss

  2. insapphicsunshine

    Thank you for penning such a beautifully written, delicately insightful article, Giselle Bella. It makes me pause and really ponder the necessity in halting a thing to better determine where I stand in my understanding of it. You chose an incredible coach in Maq Ele. A spiritual sabbatical cleanses one in so many wonderful ways!

    Much love and abundant light to you always…

  3. Carla

    Great blog Giselle. I need more! 😀

    • Giselle

      Oh, I am pleased to hear Carla. Thanks for the request but it all rests with BL3 to request more of me! Keep reading the site though. There are awesome things here.

  4. Pingback: I May be Loving You but I’m Thinking About Her: 7 Reasons Why Rebound Lesbians Never Win | Black Lesbian Love Lab

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