Celebrating black lesbian love and relationships!

Why I Took a Two-Year Break From Relationships*

Written by Giselle Bella

shakti-gawain-my-willingness-to-be-intimate-with-my-own-deep-feelings-creates-the-space-for-intimacy-with-anotherI started dating women at 14 years old and … [then] I dated guys from about 16 years old to my mid-twenties. Needless to say, I have never been in love with a man. By the young age of 21, I was complete and aligned with the understanding that I prefer women. Men are an option. Women are an emotional connection.

During my twenties, I was in about three serious relationships, yet had about 10 to 11 different lovers. Okay, okay, I may have had more lovers … as I was polyamorous. You know, multiple loves or lovers? (Notice I said “was,” we will address this later). Oh, that’s right many people have an idea and, of course, a misconception of polyamory. Polyamory is a topic, which may take up a few pages on the site, so I won’t cover it now.

I spent five wonderful years with a partner and had three other lovers and some dates in between. My then partner and I had an agreement. We had an understanding. We had trust. I broke the trust when she asked me not to sleep with someone specific and yet I did. Even though she was aware, I still broke that trust and that was what set in motion my sabbatical. Others had broken my trust numerous times, but I had never been the one to cause pain. So, I yearned to find out what was happening to me and why.

Reconnecting With the Divine

After a five-year relationship and many lovers, I needed a break. Or so I thought. What I needed was more than a break from relationships; I needed to reconnect with my higher self and of course, The Divine. Not that I was on a destructive path, but I needed to connect on a deeper lever spiritually and with my Spirit Guides and ancestors and of course Mother God. Most importantly, I needed to support myself in self love and overcome my issues of abandonment and mother-daughter issues. So, I sought a spiritual life coach. I chose Coach Maq Elé who suggested I go on a two- to three-year sabbatical. I chose to go on a two-year sabbatical.

During this time, I was in constant growth and working toward my spiritual self and of course this supported me physiologically. In being able to have spiritual intimacy, I was able to overcome fears, release expectations and, most importantly, love all people as God wants me to while loving myself. During my sabbatical, my relationships with friends and families changed. However, they changed as I did for the greater good. The beautiful thing is that all my friends and family signed up (spiritually) to be on this journey with me. What I mean is— everyone seemed to have started the journey of spiritual intimacy along the same time. I think that was our soul contract. My sisters and I began to talk about love of the Universe Divine God and other like things. My friends were often in the same spiritual workshop or mental environment as I. The most outstanding thing about the sabbatical was the support, which poured in from my friends. At no time was anyone questioning my faith, belief and work, but rather I received cheers and support. I believe we are well on a path to change our world by simply starting with ourselves intimately and spiritually.

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Article written by:

Zamara Perri

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She loves black love and loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

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  1. Pingback: Why I Took a Two-Year Sabbatical From Poly Dating | Claudia Moss

  2. insapphicsunshine

    Thank you for penning such a beautifully written, delicately insightful article, Giselle Bella. It makes me pause and really ponder the necessity in halting a thing to better determine where I stand in my understanding of it. You chose an incredible coach in Maq Ele. A spiritual sabbatical cleanses one in so many wonderful ways!

    Much love and abundant light to you always…

  3. Carla

    Great blog Giselle. I need more! 😀

    • Giselle

      Oh, I am pleased to hear Carla. Thanks for the request but it all rests with BL3 to request more of me! Keep reading the site though. There are awesome things here.

  4. Pingback: I May be Loving You but I’m Thinking About Her: 7 Reasons Why Rebound Lesbians Never Win | Black Lesbian Love Lab

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