Life is tough out there for bisexual women and they get equal amounts of crap from lesbians and straight people. So they definitely don’t need me piling on, but that won’t stop me. When I first started dating women, I never understood why lesbians were so adamant about not dating bi women. Many told me they just didn’t trust these women not to cheat on them with men. I thought that was crap and felt lesbians were just being insecure. So whenever I met a lesbian I was interested in, I lied and told her I was a lesbian too.
In some parts of the lesbian community, you’re only considered a real lesbian if you’ve never even thought of a guy. It seems like the greater the length of time between when you last slept with a guy and your discovering your lesbian tendencies, the more legitimate your lesbian card is. Anyway, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to discover for myself, and through others, why some bisexual women are so annoying and a complete turn off. These types of bi women are especially annoying for those of us who are holistically ready and available to settle down and just don’t have energy for bi drama. Over the years, I’ve learned to steer clear of these types of bi women and maybe you should too:
- The curious bi girl. Before accidentally stumbling on some girl-girl porn, this chick has never even thought about being with a woman. How do I know that? One girl I talked to couldn’t even articulate when she started finding women attractive or what it was about women that intrigued her. This is akin to the white boy dating a black girl out of curiosity not attraction. That’s insulting. Last night hanging out at karaoke with my BFF, I caught sight of a super fine woman and asked the woman she came with, if she was single. The good news was, yes, she was single. The bad news was, she was bi curious. I passed. There are women out there who pride themselves on turning a bi girl out. I’m not one of them.
- The gay-for-pay (me attention) bi girl. You know who you are. You kiss or flirt with girls just to get attention, usually from guys. If you’re dealing with this type, she’s probably too young to be dealing with anyway.
- The I’m-only-gay-when-I-want-to-have-sex bi girl. These are the types who are only interested in getting their sexual needs met. These are usually considered pillow princesses. They really don’t care about being a good lover and ensuring that their partner get some sexual satisfaction too. If she’s selfish in the bedroom, she’s probably selfish in other areas too. Next!
- The only-female-genitalia-I-like-is-my-own bi girl. If you’re not interested in other women’s tittays or vaginas, you’re most likely straight or asexual. When it comes to a sexual experience, the fun part is generally mutual desire. This girl is similar to number 3, she can’t give it to you even if she tried. So tell her to please move along and stop wasting other people’s time.
- The you-will-do-until-the-right-man-comes-along bi girl. There are some women out there who don’t mind being a space-filler for you when you are bored and horny, but most human beings don’t like being used. So, if you’re going to proceed with a woman like this, proceed at your own risk and at least have an honest conversation up front.
- The I-want-you-and-my-man-at-the-same-time bi girl. These women can be broken down into several categories: the ones who want a threesome or have their man watch, the ones who are secretly gay but are too scared to give up straight life and the one who is polyamorous and pansexual. Not many bi women are the latter, and if they are, being poly requires honest conversations not sneaking around lying to everyone.
- The Bible-says-being-gay-is-wrong-bi-girl. This bi girl is the most egregious offender in the selfish bi girl pantheon and many of us, myself included, have fallen for her ravenous head games, both literally and figuratively. This type of bi girl wants to have sex with you, spend all her free time with you, tells you that she loves you and continues to tell you what you want to hear all the while hating herself and your relationship. And lawd let’s not hope she goes to one of those churches where gay-bashing is a sermon staple, because she will regularly withdraw from you and break up with you damn near every Sunday. I was one of these girls and I’ve dated one of these girls. It’s not pretty and it’s actually pretty sad. Avoid this one at all costs.
Clearly this list is just my own opinion, but for those who are looking to be in a serious relationship, dealing with someone who is just discovering her sexuality can be a pain and painful. Some of us just don’t feel like it’s worth the emotional wreckage a potential relationship can cause, so if you’re one of these bi girls, now you understand why wise lesbians cross the street when we see you coming.