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News & Opinion

Why Lesbians Need To Tell The Truth About Marriage

Written by Dee Bell-Phillips


Dear Seasoned Married Lesbian Couples,


After chasing me for seven years, I finally said yes to the woman who is now my wife. Chiccola and I clicked right away and have been together ever since. We’ve been married for two years.


We all have visions of what marriage should be, but accepting reality is key. I truly believe that all you married, black lesbian couples have a responsibility to keep it real with those who think they are ready for marriage.


So, stop giving the new generation of married, black lesbian couples the same old lines. Tell us the truth: in order for the marriage to work, we both have to want it to work. Tell us that a successful marriage is hard work that takes continuous revamping.


Tell us that a great marriage takes understanding, forgiveness, prayer, compromise and unconditional acceptance.


black lesbian couple exchange wedding rings

Tangie and Melissa exchange rings. Photo by True Love Photo

Tell us that we’ll need a good friend to get us to put the pillow down when we are getting ready to kill that ass. Tell the truth and prepare us for the fact that the grass will look greener on the other side. But that new grass won’t stick around for the winter called “hard times.”


Tell us that we will wake up in the morning and ask ourselves, “Why is this person still here?” And that we will remember.


Tell us that our mates come first and to keep other people out of our marriage.


Tell us not to get advice from single people or exes. Why not?  Because single people can’t give advice about good relationships if they can’t keep one. And the ex couldn’t give themselves advice to make it work with us. So now they see the light, tell us to get the hell out of here.


Tell us it takes a team to raise children, that we might not always agree but can find common ground. And tell us to never, ever put the kids in the middle of a war.

black lesbian kisses wife on the cheek

The author Dee (right) and her wife, Chiccola, have been married for two years.

Tell us that if momma is happy the entire house is happy, but momma also knows when to stand down.


And finally,  remind us of all the great benefits of marriage and let us know it’s all worth it. Tell us the truth!


The featured photo of Sondrate and Lesley was captured by Twilight Photo Video LLC.

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Article written by:

Zamara Perri

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She loves black love and loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

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