Celebrating black lesbian love and relationships!

Why You Should Probably Just Stay Single

20140320-095951 “I’m just not ready to be fucking anybody everyday.” My friend’s honest revelation had me laughing. She was telling me the story of how she met this woman on line who had seemed like the one! But after two phone conversations, my friend was done.

My friend never seems to have any trouble attracting women, but it had been years since her last relationship and she didn’t seem to be in a hurry to change that. In fact, she seemed to be a little too comfortable in her spinisterish ways. I was mildly surprised that she had given up so quickly on someone who seemed to be the one. But my friend said she decided to drop this woman because she started demanding that my friend call her everyday and chase and cater to her in a way that my friend was not excited about. Especially after two days.

I recently wrote about how scared I was to be in a relationship, and this week, I thought I would delve a bit into the real things that keep relationships from working period. Sometimes we are so focused on what we don’t want in the other person that we don’t look at ourselves. It’s not hard to find red flags when you are running or afraid of getting into another relationship. But if you’re happy and secure by yourself, then you’re not going to be eager to make certain compromises just to be with someone. The relationships we fantasize about in our heads don’t always hold up in reality and sometimes it’s just better to save yourself and her the heartache and just stay single.

Just Admit it, Dating is Too Much Work!

So yes, my friend is wise. She admitted to me that she really didn’t want to be bothered with the work of a relationship right now because her heart wasn’t in it. Especially with somebody she wasn’t really into. She was going to go at her own pace until she felt inspired/interested in making the effort.

I dated someone who said she didn’t want to be in a relationship from the beginning, and even though she changed her mind, I should have believed what she said because her actions spoke loud and clear. When I expressed certain concerns to her, she dismissed me or told me I was crazy. She was happy doing things her way and had little interest in seeing my perspective. I eventually got tired of doing all the compromising and giving in.

I’ve also been the one who said I wanted to be in a relationship but honestly didn’t give two shits about working with my partner to make our relationship a harmonious one.

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Article written by:

Zamara Perri

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She loves black love and loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

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