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You Teach Your Partners to Disrespect You

WATCH on Youtube>>> https://youtu.be/4q7RZVvGgyg It seems like one of our favorite past times as black lesbians is to sit around talking about the many ways our partners or ex-partners disrespect (ed) us. Very rarely do we as women stand up and say with our chests, “I did something wrong, too.”
In the video above, I talk about the fact that in every adult relationship there are two (or more) responsible parties. If our partners are disrespecting us, that’s probably because we’ve taught them that we’re cool with it.
Sometimes we add more flames to the fire by giving the disrespect right on back as if two wrongs are going to magically make a right.
From a young age I would hear the phrase, “You teach people how to treat you.” I really didn’t understand it until much, much later in life.
When I started this blog five years ago, I blamed my exes for a lot of my own hurt and pain. Occasionally I’d admit that I wasn’t all that perfect, but not too often.

I was afraid to take on the blame because I was ashamed, but nowadays, I’m okay with taking some of the blame. It’s the healthy and honest thing to do.
You can always tolerate bad behaviors from your partner and complain about it later, but where exactly does that get you?
Like I said before, every adult in a relationship bears at least partial responsibility for bad behavior.
Sometimes we give it. At other times we take it.
And sometimes we know we should leave but have a hard time letting go.
It’s really easy to just say leave. But some folks don’t understand why we find it easier to complain than to pack up.
Sometimes we’re hoping and praying that our partners will change and grow.
Sometimes we see glimpses of the better woman that we know she can be.

Sometimes we don’t know what is normal behavior.
Honestly, nobody but you and your partner needs to know why you remain in a situation.
But what you don’t want to do is wait for anger and resentment to build up.
That is a toxic cocktail that can lead to explosions that you can never take back.
Watch the video and comment below with your opinions. Do you agree that we teach our partners how to treat us?

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Article written by:

Zamara Perri

Zamara Perri is the founder and editor of the Black Lesbian Love Lab blog. She loves black love and loves mangoes, cats, reading, cooking and writing about some of the challenges and joys of black lesbian relationships.

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